A Bird's Eye View of American Women

TITLES

1. Adventurer—outgoing risk-takers
2. Bikers—toughness, dress code, etc.
3. Bodybuilders—lovers of iron
4. Countrywoman—her nature; square dancing, horseback
5. Crab—comparing a nasty woman with a sea crab
6. Dancer—behavior, lifestyle
7. Dead Heads—an overview of Grateful Dead fans
8. Deceptor—a woman that uses trickery and deception in order to get she wants
9. Dentist/Hygienist—experience in the office with the doctors of teeth
10. Hairdresser—relax and enjoy your chop, but behave yourself
11. Healthcare Workers—working in the healthcare profession
12. Henpecker—concerns men who get ordered around and beyond
13. Office Workers—the office scene, “gossipers,” tasks at desk, etc. (applies to both sexes)
14. Material Girl—the love of material goods
15. Spiritualist/Psychic—predictions of the future; psychic reading
16. Psychopath Stalker—a personal experience with one
17. Saleswoman—men’s actions and behaviors around her
18. Sex Fiend—philosophies and thoughts concerning sex
19. Sun Worshippers—women who worship the sun
20. Worrier—a woman who worries excessively

      I would like to tell you a little about myself, my thoughts, and why this book was written. For many years, I have paid particular attention to how others assess and handle themselves in certain situations. For example, in communicating with the opposite sex, the degree of difficulty varies from person to person. For some people, approaching strangers and introducing themselves is as easy as saying hello to their best friends, and for others, it can be an emotional nightmare. If a shy guy summons enough nerve to approach a woman he would like to meet, his voice may cringe during his introduction, analogous to the sound of a broken guitar string. To the bashful men out there, you know what I mean.

Adventurer—outgoing risk-takers
     Excitement is the key. Extreme skiing, snowboarding on expert mountain slopes, mountain climbing, and skydiving are just a few examples of how an Adventurer feeds her stimulating, and sometimes death-defying, appetites. It is her uncanny ability to live fearlessly on the edge that makes her unique. An Adventure Woman is geared toward no other than an Adventure Man.

     What follows applies specifically to guys who, somewhere in the depths of their souls, have the notion that they are or wish to be Adventure Men, but who do not posses the inherent gift of being one. I need not elaborate here, since you already know if you ‘have it’ or ‘if you don’t.’ Allow me to explain if you don’t catch my drift. Think of people who possess extraordinary talents such as concert pianists, exceptional artists, craftsmen, film directors, etc. They have an innate ability to perform their work at a level beyond most. Sure, with appropriate training, some of us can acquire these skills, but the majority will reach a limited level of proficiency. The same concept applies to ‘wannabe’ Adventurers. They can be trained to skip to the grocery store and hurdle over obstacles such as potholes, dog poop or a voodoo doll in their way, but will never graduate a rock-climbing course—no matter how hard they try. Those who don’t really know what they are innately good at, but who continuously explore themselves will hopefully, in time, find their gifts. For those who don’t, it’s nothing less than a darn shame.

     I know of a woman, Beryl, who was born with the genetics of a genuine Adventurer. (Interestingly, she was named after a compound called beryllium, found on the Periodic Table used in chemistry classes.) If she told a hard-on her love for skydiving and he responded—with conviction—that he would desire to join her, she may gladly take him up on the offer. While the plane is taxiing down the runway, the pseudo AdventureMan, frightened as a bird that can’t fly, jumps out of the plane just before takeoff. Meanwhile, Beryl will be waving bye-bye as he lies on his deathbed from smashing into the pavement. Incidentally, Beryl participated in a jump from an airplane with her fiancé, who is one on my close friends. These two make an ideal pair—they are both gifted Adventurers.

     To the inexperienced, yet overconfident macho dudes who know they can do anything and everything, this advice may be beneficial: Do not shower an Adventurer with ego if you have never participated in an ‘extreme’ sport or excursion. Be advised that phenomenal physical endurance accompanied with a psychological makeup of a black panther is a must! If you’re out to impress, be forewarned: You will be put to the test of your abilities. If you fail to complete your daring endeavor, you will not only look like a dick in your partner’s eyes; you will be thought of as one—not because you didn’t make it, but because of your conceited attitude. An Adventurer is very shrewd when it comes to this matter brought forth.

     Plans are made for an overnight hiking and camping escapade with an Adventurer, who’s an avid hiker. If you are green (inexperienced) and have the mentality of a toad, you may ask yourself, “Ah, what could be so difficult about a hike?” If you are not physically conditioned for such a pleasure trip, it can be a draining experience that will never be forgotten. An Adventurer can hike for hours—without rest, and will be hesitant to stop while experiencing elated states of consciousness during moments of “oneness with nature.” Upon your return to camp, you can enjoy the wonderful feeling of a stiff, aching body. An infested tent could be your home-sweet-home for your idiotic foul-up: You forgot to close the tent zipper before your full day’s journey.

     Sadly, there will be no nookie. Blood will be too busy nourishing overworked muscles to get the organ of life’s hydraulic system fired up. An Adventurer is seriously into nature, and participates in activities with a sense of pride. She is spontaneous. If you are a non-spontaneous individual and are a homebody type of person, chances are that you would be an incompatible match, except on a very limited social level—at best. You may be kidding yourself to think otherwise, for if the extreme ‘personage’ is not in your blood, it never will be, unless some genetic engineer can ‘inject’ the type that you longed for. All you would need to do is find a genetic engineer who specializes in changing what Mother Nature had intended, and have the financial ability to cover a ten million dollar service charge.