How to Get What You Want from Your Man Anytime

Chapter 4: Who Has the Power? “The feeling that men are more susceptible to seduction can be countered by the fact that women get swept up in romance, and in the end, in love, we are all vulnerable, and women should not be seen as dangerous because we are desirable.” —Elizabeth Wurtzel, Bitch Creativity, circular thinking, and intuition are just a few of the characteristics which allow women to enjoy the journey of life rather than the destination. The female sex has the power in relationship. From the time of their birth, women are into relating and communicating. The entire male sex rarely encompasses the art of relating unless a woman shows them the way. It is a gift that a woman brings to a man. I want to take a slight diversion here in order to make something perfectly clear. Men are not the bad guys. I love men. They are these wonderfully creative, industrious, productive, sensitive, charming creatures who love to build things, solve problems, satisfy their physical needs, (i.e. belch, fart, eat, sleep, climax, and play with gadgets), as well as please the women they love. What they are not interested in doing is engaging in talk about their relationship, guessing what their woman wants, shopping, or being judged, disapproved of or nagged. They love sex. They love doing it, thinking about it, talking about it, reading about it and they believe that sex is affection. Yes, I believe that men are sensitive, extremely so, to be exact. I think they get their feelings hurt perhaps easier than women do. The difference is they don't show it. They don't cry or even get angry, they just stuff it inside and withdraw to lick their wounds until they scar over and they are ready to go back out and fight the good fight again. I believe that men feel slighted when one of their projects is taken for granted. They feel hurt and doubt their production when they are looked over for promotion. I believe that a woman can devastate them with a look, or an innocent comment like "You did what?" or if she doesn't notice or approve or appreciate his efforts on her behalf. I believe that men are always trying to please women and their biggest dilemma is that they don't have a clue how to accomplish this because women think differently than men. I believe that men appreciate women who tell them what they want them to do. I believe that men cherish women who are honest with them and who don't play games. I believe that men are attracted to women who have appetites for pleasure and women who demonstrate their pleasure both verbally and physically. I believe that men think when they are rejected by a woman that the woman doubts their production (money, success, sex as in erections) in some way. I believe that a man does not inherently know how to physically please a woman, and that each woman is different, therefore, each woman must teach her man. Finally, I believe that men will do just about anything for sex. A while ago, I witnessed one of the toughest, macho, ex-marine construction foremen I know do a beautiful thing. When one of the women in our office got married, this man made a point to find out her favorite color and the size of their bed, and ordered some very fine monogrammed linens for her. He arrived at her office with a large cardboard box. He put it on her chair and told her gruffly that someone delivered the box to his office by mistake. After she opened the box, he made a few slightly suggestive jokes about what she and her new husband were going to do on their new sheets. She was very touched and tried to thank him but he just turned bright red and sloughed off the appreciation. It was obvious to me that this macho man has a very tender, romantic side to him that he is embarrassed to reveal, but still will because he has the honor and integrity of a man. I believe that men are like this all the time. Before my mother died, she was in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. My dad who was a contractor and president of every organization he ever joined, is the epitome of macho. He visited my mother daily. After a while, she did not even recognize him and could not carry on a conversation. He’d turn off his hearing aid and just talk to her about what was going on in his life and with all of their 6 children. Then he would paint her finger nails, curl and brush her hair and take her for ice-cream. This went on for several years until she died. I would never have imagined that my dad could have been so tender and caring, but he was. I was present at the birth of my first grandchild along with my son-in-law. I watched as my daughter delivered her son and the doctor checked him and then handed him to my son-in- law. Jason was so moved by the birth of his son that as he held him in his hands, tears rolled down his face. I have seen this scene repeated again and again at the many births I have witnessed. At my husband’s funeral, there were about a thousand men, visibly shaken, some so shook up they could not speak, but those who did spoke of his commitment to them as men and how he had sacrificed to teach them to change their lives from pre-delinquent to upstanding citizen, mayor, school principal, police officer, business owner, fathers and coaches. He accomplished this as a man, actually as a wrestling coach who took the toughest boys he could find on the street and taught them to channel their aggression into an acceptable form where they could become champions and experience success. What do all of these examples prove? They prove that men are our heroes, saviors, gladiators, and rescuers. They represent honor, integrity, and toughness. They fight for what they believe, and they are the first to come to the rescue of a damsel, child, or animal in distress. They perform these tasks silently, not asking for praise or recognition. They are stoic, often working while sick or in pain, frequently refusing to see a doctor until they are severely ill. They come across as tough guys and are unwilling to show their emotions for fear of being thought a wimp. It is these traits that make them our heroes and yet frequently they are characterized as unemotional, detached, and macho. Our American society puts a lot of pressure on men to perform, control their emotions, be tough, and live within a tight definition of what is masculine. Then we criticize them for being the way that we have pressured them to be.