ADvice By John Boggs

Listening “Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” – Sophia Loren I love my wife. She is an extraordinary woman and is truly my best friend. There are times however, when we don’t communicate completely. Because I know her so well, I admit I am often at fault of listening to no more than half of what she says. That’s probably okay, because there are also times when, because I know her so well, she fully expects that I will understand more than what her words actually communicate. My mind-reading talents aside, you can see the perfect conditions exist for major misunderstandings. In my day-to-day world, I often am too preoccupied with my own agenda to give her my undivided attention and listen to her concerns. When I get like this, she tolerates me for a while, but eventually, she takes me to task for my rudeness. Like many couples who have an established and trusting relationship, her method of restoring my consideration for her point of view lacks the diplomacy that my sometimes fragile ego appreciates. It’s not really very pretty, but it is effective. As I am hit with the stark reality of my lack of consideration, I mentally overcompensate and begin listening to her chiding with the rapt attention to detail she demands, and that I used when we first met. I notice the wrinkle of her nose when she talks and the sparkle in her eye that forewarns of the passion in her words that are soon to follow. She forces her normally quiet voice to speak loudly to command my questionable attention. And even though she is upset with me, her ever-present smile appears in spite of herself. I am filled with the same awe that caused me to fall in love with her in the first place. It is such a shame that I only really listen when I am gently, or not so gently, shaken out of my self-indulgent fog to really listen to what the most important person in my life has to say. I have learned that listening, which most believe to be a passive activity, is quite the opposite. If fact, listening is much more active and engaging than talking. If you listen to the words, their meaning, how they are spoken and the passion of the person saying them, you will just begin to scratch the surface of real communication. Add body language, understanding the culture of the speaker, as well as timing and personal motivation, you might actually be closing in on the groundwork needed to begin understanding what the other person is trying to say. Most importantly we must suspend our personal interpretation of the facts and rely on what the speaker says to build a reference of his or her interpretation of the facts as he or she is attempting to convey them. It really is not easy. Good listening evokes good speaking. When we pay attention to the conversation, it is like providing a highway on which the speaker uses his or her words to drive. Good listening makes speaking go much smoother. The terrible truth of this knowledge is that it is wasted most often on complete strangers. For as human beings we feel we know those close to us well enough that we “know” what they are going to say, so we only give a portion of our attention to their communication and use our knowledge of them to fill in the blanks. For complete strangers, we listen to every word so we can build our knowledge base of them until we “know” them, too. Salespeople, especially advertising salespeople are sometimes at fault of not completely communicating. I don’t know how many times I have heard my sales staff say, “They know what I mean,” or “I know what they want.” Like my communication with my wife, conversations based upon assumptions or preconceived notions are breeding grounds for big problems. Human beings have a tendency to be incomplete in their communication. We wrongly believe that others share our interpretations of facts. Because of this, most of us do not confirm if the people we are communicating with are coming to the conversation with the same basics as we have. Unfortunately the closer our relationship, the more this is apt to occur. In the words of my wife, “I do not need to tell you, you know me and what I am thinking.” Certainly, this leads to interesting results in my family. The same mental process leads to problems at best and disasters at worst in a sales environment. Add to this dynamic the intangible nature of advertising, and it is amazing advertising people get it right as often as we do. Is there a possibility that we as advertisers are not completely communicating with our customers? Do we assume we understand their point of reference for our product or service? Do we believe we “know” them? Do we only hear a portion of what they tell us and then “fill in the blanks,” based upon what we know? How can we develop a routine of listening, really listening to our customers, and more importantly, to our prospects, and deliver what they are telling us they need? Years ago in my broadcasting career, as I progressed from a sales manager to a general manager, I became responsible for programming. Since I had no history or experience on the programming side of the industry, I had little choice but to ask my radio-station listeners questions and rely on their answers for programming guidance. It was then I learned a very valuable lesson. Not only did I learn how to listen and rely on that feedback, but I discovered those peers of mine with a programming background did not listen. For the next four years, I beat them soundly and consistently in listener ratings. I asked my customers what they wanted and gave it to them. It was pretty simple. Those with programming experience “knew” what listeners wanted and did not want to be bothered by the difference between what they knew and what the listeners were telling them now. Want to be inspired and excited about your business? Sit down with your customers and ask them a few questions and listen with every fiber of your being. Understand exactly what they are telling you, ask questions to make sure they know you are listening and to make sure you hear what they are saying. Dedicate time to do this so your attention is not diffused by something else you must do. I assure you that you will walk away from the experience renewed and excited again about what you do. Hearing the passion in another person’s words is a miraculous thing. If you want to get the biggest benefit from this e-newsletter, go home and listen to your loved ones with all of your attention. Put the work you brought home aside, take the telephone off of the hook and listen to them. Watch them as they speak, look into their eyes and see them as they express themselves and honor you by sharing their thoughts and feelings. You’ll fall in love all over again, just by listening.