Hindsight

“I won’t do this,” she said angrily. “I can’t do this.” She shoved one of the conference room chairs aside and threw the folder down on the table. A thick sheaf of papers spilled out, sliding across the slick surface. “You can,” he reassured her. “And you will. You have to. You know you have to.” “He’s just been through so much – “ “But he’s strong, Kate. He’s strong because of you.” Jimmy gripped her shoulders lightly, wanting to protect her, longing to keep her safe. He leaned into her for only a moment, and then with a brief squeeze, he let go. He walked over to the window and looked out across the lush Texas hill country, just beyond the scenic downtown area of Austin. He could hear the chanting and commotion in the background, downstairs, on the other side of the court house. It didn’t seem to fit, however, with the beautiful view in front of him. Kate sat down heavily in the mahogany leather chair and put her head in her hands. She was exhausted, her slight frame beginning to appear almost gaunt. It had taken months of excruciating preparation to get here and now that they were finally here, she couldn’t go through with it. The agony was unbearable and her body started trembling. The daily rage she was so used to feeling was quickly giving way to fear. She wanted the rage, though; she needed it. It’s the thing that always kept her focused. An intense panic gripped her and she felt her chest tighten suddenly. Her head was throbbing as a million thoughts raced through her brain. She was afraid that she just might have a heart attack, right then and there. Wouldn’t that be ironic, she thought. A slight chuckle escaped her throat, against her will; the odd noise jolting her out of her panic attack. And that’s all it took. Kate Mitchell, the warrior, was back. She sat up and took a deep breath, collecting her scattered thoughts. Reaching for her sleek black bag that doubled as her purse and briefcase, she artfully checked her makeup and smoothed her hair. Time to get back to business. The fleeting fears that had flooded her body were now rapidly being pushed aside by her strength and resolve. Jimmy had seen this internal struggle many times over the last several months and was always impressed with the way she managed to pull herself together. He knew she would not fold. There was way too much at stake. He waited patiently, willing himself to stay quiet. He longed to reach out to her, to hold her tightly and tell her everything would be okay. But he didn’t dare. He knew Kate well enough at this point to know she had to have a minute, a little space to think. Her thoughts seemed to move at the speed of light and it never took long for her to come back around full-circle to the task at hand. He heard her chair move back a few inches as she stood up. She cleared her throat, but before she could say anything, there was a light knock on the door. “Momma,” a boy’s voice called out. “Momma, I’m ready.”