How to Score with a Woman

First Date Pointers If you’ve just met someone, it might be more prudent if you ask her to join you on some short term activity you enjoy. Dinner at a fine restaurant could turn into an interminable (and expensive) waste if you two don’t click. However, a drink or a latte at Starbucks, a movie or even a casual walk at the local farmer’s market are some possibilities. Ask questions! There is nothing worse than a guy who talks on and on about himself. It is boring for her and shows you to be a self-centered jerk, particularly if you fall into the traps of: 1) Using her for free therapy. Parental issues, problems at work, your ex, your delinquent teenage years, are all huge red flags as to the state of your mental health. Even if she is a licensed psychotherapist, don’t do it. Keep it light and fun. View it as a dialogue, not a monologue. Your conversation should go back and forth like a tennis match. 2) Barraging her with your life story. By being interested in her and drawing her out, you earn major points and actually find out what she is about. We’ve already discussed the importance of really listening, so give her your full attention! If a particular issue is of enormous importance to you, you might want to steer the conversation in that direction. Examples: Do you date only Democrats, or Catholics, or non-smokers? Determine your “non-negotiables” and subtly (this is not a job interview) try to find out. 3) Don’t paw her. Unless she initiates physical contact, save it for the good night kiss. Then keep your tongue to yourself, unless you’re invited in. Think sensuality not sexuality and see if there is reciprocation. If she lingers, you are in luck. If she actually initiates physical contact … need we say more? 4) Is eye contact sustained? Is she sitting up? Is she laughing at your attempts at humor? Is she leaning physically in your direction? Is she “tossing her hair”? Does she say yes to another drink? Does she excuse herself and come back with her hair combed and/or smelling of perfume? Does she agree with a lot of what you’re saying? Even if she is playing it cool, all of the above give you a good indication she is into you, so pay attention. 5) When the waiter brings the check, you must pay. Do not ask her to split the bill even if she offers! She is just being nice, she doesn’t mean it and it can brand you as a cheapskate if you let her contribute anything towards the bill. If she asks for a second drink, don’t say “The Margaritas are sooo big here, let’s just split the second drink in half.” If that happens, guess who’s gonna split? She is! 6) Always carry paper and pen with you for phone numbers. Nothing kills the spontaneity of the moment more than hunting down something to write with. Make sure she has text messaging, if you prefer contacting her that way. Do not assume she has it. Ninety percent of women prefer a more personal way of communicating. 7) Tell her you’d like to see her again, but don’t go on and on about it or about how amazing she is. Be “cool”, have some dignity. Ask as if you’re assuming she’ll say “yes”, and project that if she says “no” it’s no big deal. 8) If she asks you if you’re seeing someone else and you are interested, finesse it if you have to. No woman wants to hear you’re in a relationship. 9) If you’ve told her you’re divorced and she asks what happened, have ready a less than one minute prepared and memorized monologue. Don’t call your ex a bitch, nor fess up that she cheated on you, particularly if she is the mother of your children. Just say that you “grew apart” or you “wanted different things out of life” or had “different values”. Keep it as neutral as possible, aiming for 50% of the blame and you’ll come off as a nice guy. Let’s face it, whether you feel that way or not, consciously or subconsciously 50% of the problem did rest with you (that’s the psychotherapist talking). 10) It’s not a bad idea to learn how to dance. We know, we know, it’s not something that is a high priority in your life, but women love it. It can give you countless opportunities to approach women. If after a dance you ask her if she wants a drink and she declines, chances are (unless she’s a member of Alcoholics Anonymous) she was using you as a dancing partner rather than wanting to get to know you better. Thank her and don’t waste any more time. Move on. 11) No “downer” topics! This is a must!! The following should be avoided on a first date at all costs: A) Family issues (“I hate my mother”) B) Your latest operation in detail (do not show the scar/wound) C) Your ex D) Generic anger towards women E) How much you hate your job F) Sex (of course this topic is no downer, but totally inappropriate unless she is drunk as a skunk and all over you) G) Death Think about it. Negativity in general tends to “negatively” color human interactions and it risks having you viewed as someone to be avoided. This is a social connection you are trying to make here. Aside from coming off as negative, also try not to look desperate. Think: warm, poised, confident, relaxed, happy, laid back and funny. Think George Clooney. Practice his little eye twinkle in front of a mirror. He doesn’t get voted sexiest man alive over and over for nothing. Look at photos of the guy. He has raised the “aren’t you adorable” look to the level of high art. A cinch to learn. Practice. If you’ve practiced it, tried it a couple of times and it didn’t get you anywhere, give up the “Clooney look” and just smile.