Raising Mario Twice

Forward by Kristine Carlson,
Author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women,
Co-Author with Richard Carlson of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love
and An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love.

There are moments we just remember like they happened yesterday. I was on a bike on back roads in Montana when Richard called. He said: “There’s been a terrible accident. Mario is in the hospital fighting for his life. He’s in a coma, Kris, and it doesn’t look good. They think he was dead on arrival.”

The Scharmer family had been our neighbors for twelve years. Sharing a parallel spiritual path, we had become more like family than neighbors. The boys, Mario and Miguel, spent much time with us while growing up. They would sometimes spend the night in our guestroom and hang out with our daughters Jasmine and Kenna when they were little. Even as Mario and Miguel grew into young adult men, we still remained bonded and we knew we had their respect. Just that week before Mario’s accident, he had come to our door and asked Richard to help him lift his engine into the shell of his truck. They shared a male bonding moment as they mustered the strength to lift the heavy equipment in teamwork. They laughed and high-fived at their success.

Now, as I turned the pedals of my bike, I was no longer present to the beauty of the Montana Mountains. I felt deep concern for Chris as I felt her pain as a mother, that she very well might lose her son. I also considered what life might be like if he lived. Chris and Mark had really been put to the test with their boys. Both boys had a wild streak, with more than their share of testosterone, they were challenging on all levels. They tested every boundary and went through incredible periods of disrespect. I often felt disappointed in both of them, that they couldn’t see beyond their actions. Given their loving upbringing and exposure to the spiritual world, I just hoped they would survive their egos long enough to find their way back to spirit and the value system of their mother.

There was never a time when Richard and I were not amazed at how Chris and Mark rose to the challenge before them with Mario. These circumstances were the most demanding imaginable and Chris called on all her past work and training, spiritual and otherwise, to utilize the tools in her emotional and spiritual tool belt. The years of spiritual study, meditation and prayer paid off for her in dividends as she intuited a healing process through uncharted territory. How the brain heals is still very much a medical mystery. At the time, the Doctors said, “Mario, will likely be a vegetable. Chris responded with one word: “No!” She knew in her heart that all things are possible through the miracle of love.

In the early months, I’ll never forget how she designed her own program to stimulate new neural pattern development in Mario’s brain. She created a schedule of volunteers and had all sorts of sensory development stimuli available for us to use on our visits. I would wash my hands really well, enter Mario’s hospital room and spend a few moments just talking to him to let him know I was there. Then, I would read the notes available on what the previously scheduled visitor did and I would mix it up by picking up the next series of items in the box. There were feathers, musical instruments, aromatherapy oils, brushes and many things that would engage Mario’s five senses as if for the first time. I marveled to see Chris travel this journey as she had many years earlier as a kindergarten teacher. Mario was back in Kindergarten again.

Mario remained unconscious except for his heartbeat monitor. Among the most powerful intuitions she had, Chris realized Mario communicated through his heart rate monitor and his heart beat.

There were many things that struck Richard and I as we witnessed Chris and Mark stand up and refuse to be knocked down. They became two of the most devoted parents on the planet. Many would have given up, being completely overwhelmed from the shock and hardship they were facing.

Chris, Mark and Miguel, bonded together and stayed completely present with hope that was imminent and a belief in God that offered strength and encouragement. They have always refused to believe anything other than Mario having a full recovery. They were unwilling to compromise Mario’s life in any way. They have been a testament, not only to love, but to the bonds of family and the courage it takes to face the suffering of a loved one. Through their example, they have shown how a spiritual practice can be a way of life and how that life style deals with loss and the most demanding of circumstances.

Over the years, I have come to realize that the experience of tragedy and suffering in our lives contains with in it the incredible potential to awaken and ignite our spiritual calling. Our lives may end up having more meaning for change in our world than they would have otherwise if everything had worked out according to our own tidy plan. When we say, “Yes” to spirit, we cannot hide as spirit moves us, as spirit often will. Chris said, “Yes” long ago. Mark said, “Yes” when he married Chris and adopted Mario and Miguel.

As Mario surrendered to his circumstances, he has become a teacher of love. Everywhere he goes he touches people through his incredible exuberance for life. He smiles and kisses and offers unadulterated joy through his essence. He has meaning and purpose and he is loved and he loves. Is it easy to be him? Not one moment of any day is this an easy life for him or any of the Scharmers. They smile and enjoy what life has given them with gratitude. Their courage touches you. The main message here is that love can transform any circumstance and as long as we stay present, love will also be there to heal and transform our lives.