I Know I Need to Change, But How?

Introduction The first time I got drunk, I didn’t have a drop of alcohol. That’s right. At age 13, a few girlfriends and I got together for a sleep over. One girl brought champagne she had stolen from her parents. As we had our fill, our heads got lighter and our voices louder. We danced, and laughed, and screamed. When an adult arrived, we thought we were busted. Until, that is, they pointed out the label – nonalcoholic sparkling apple cider. What we believe is truth. What we see is what we expect to find. Reality is subjective. When I first started studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming, I was constantly asked what that term meant. I began referring to neurology (neuro), explaining that human behavior, thought, and emotion is a direct result of communication between the mind, body and brain. I went further by asserting that language (linguistic) affects neurology, shaping our thinking and behaviors. And, I explained, the most interesting part is that the representations and strategies formed by language and emotion can be modified and used to change behavior and generate specific outcomes (programming). But, while this explanation is true, it didn’t often get the point across. No one really understood my definition until I started sharing my dreams. It’s always been fascinating to me that I could share a dream with a group of 10 people and get a different interpretation from every single person. Meaning, like reality, is subjective. And, it became clear, both are based on and filtered through experience. Every time humans have an experience, there is the opportunity to develop learning. Take, for example, the phenomenon of young Indian elephants tied to a post to keep them in place. When they’re small, the elephants struggle, only to discover they can’t break free. Interestingly, the elephants learn this so well that, even as full grown adults who could easily pull the post from the ground and liberate themselves, they don’t even try. They “know” it can’t be done. In this case, experience becomes a limitation on the elephant, one they never forget. But, some animals never lose their fighting spirit. Which is why I say, my reality is better. One of my favorite songs by the Grateful Dead illuminates the importance of perspective. The lyrics to “Standing on the Moon,” while intended to remain ambiguous, is a metaphor for the relationship between the band and the audience. The band experienced their shows from a unique perspective on the stage, which they equate to being on the moon, which most people think they would prefer. However, the band never got to experience being in the audience, enjoying the show. Standing on the moon...but I would rather be with you... somewhere in San Francisco...on a back porch in July...just looking up to heaven at this crescent in the sky. As both trainer and practitioner, I know what it’s like to operate from just a single perspective. My experience as teacher/healer is profoundly different from that as student/client. But, I have been on both sides, and this variety of experience has been critical to my health, happiness, and success. Reality, after all, is subjective. If you don’t have a variety of experiences from which to draw, how do you really know which reality you want? It is with this in mind that I present this book. At times I share my experience of reality, and at other times I put forth options and let you choose. What you will find in these pages are stories, metaphors, theories and interactive processes that are flexible and allow you to shift your thinking in ways that work for you. I invite you to engage with the exercises I’ve included, as experience is what drives reality. Isn’t it more exciting to actually drive a car than to read about driving? With this text you can experience NLP both as a practitioner and as a client, and you’re bound to have an experience that improves your ability to help others, to sell your ideas and products, and to relate to people in a healthier way. I remember a few years ago, I was helping my mother clear out my grandmother’s house. I came across a note she had written to herself on her stationary. It was tacked to the wall above her desk. It read, “Think longer, think smarter, think BIGGER”. She understood the importance of getting outside her limited view to consider something more than her current situation would allow. In the same way, the only prerequisite to this volume is the ability to use your imagination. Do you remember being a child, dreaming up creative uses for household objects, or pretending you were much bigger than you were then? The ability to imagine is within all of us. It is the part of us that dreams, both during the day and at night. It creates alternate realities and expands the limits of what we believe is possible. Your imagination is run by your unconscious mind, the aspect of you that dreams, considers, feels, and believes. This is the part of the mind that Freud considered dark and scary, because his subjective experience of the unknown was dark and scary. I personally find it to be a beautiful place, full of possibilities and warmth. Tapping into this sea of creative potential can change your life in many powerful and exciting ways. Then, your conscious mind can begin to explain to you why to keep the good things coming. And this is the best reality I have yet to imagine. How to Read this Book I’ve had many students over the years tell me that they learned more in 8 days of my NLP class than they did in three years of graduate school. While I’m flattered that they learned so much, I also know that incorporating so much material in such a short time can be challenging. The only way to create long term learning is through practice. You won’t be an NLP expert after reading this book. You will, however, have all the knowledge you need to become one. To be truly effective in incorporating this material, do all of the exercises I’ve included – more than once. Do them at least two or three times, sometimes on yourself and sometimes on others. Start by reading it through once. Then do the exercises. Then read the chapter again. Use your imagination to enhance your understanding. If you’re serious about improving your life and work, you’re sure to enjoy the journey presented here. Please, be serious in your pursuit of more fun!