Finding Sanity

I woke up in a cold sweat for the third night in a row, clenching my jaw and pursing my lips so I wouldn’t scream and wake up my roommate Arryn, or his lame-brained girlfriend Starr in the other room. So, I lay there for several minutes, controlling my breathing and slowly unclenching my jaw, waiting for the residue of the nightmare to subside. Before I explain my nightmare to you, let me tell you who I am, so I don’t confuse anyone who may be reading this. My name is Lark Conners, I’m currently a freshman at a college in Southern Florida, and just started my second semester. I’m five foot, eleven inches tall, athletically built, basically curve-less, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. Originally I come from Virginia, where I live with my parents on a horse ranch. I had an older brother who went away to college when I was eight, but two weeks after he left, we got the news that he and a friend were killed in a car accident. I was devastated of course, my brother, who’s name was Justin, was my best friend. I’m actually attending the same college he started at. I know that may seem a little morbid, but I felt like it would help me remember him, especially since my memories of him have been fading fast lately. I also chose this college because I’ve been bored, and have a strong desire for adventure. My life up until now has been dull. I’ve lived my life reading, being a major bookworm and a straight A student. Also in high school I joined the swim team and was on the soccer team and worked for a bookstore as well, taking full advantage of the employee discount as often as I could to get my fix of literature of course. I’ve lived in a small town all my life, where nothing all that interesting happens, so I decided to cut loose and rebel a little. This school is in an area of Florida well known for its night clubs and parties. I even broke up with my boyfriend of a year shortly before leaving for college, part of me still loves him, but another part of me knows that we aren’t right for each other. Two of my best friends joined me here, enrolling at the college as well. I’m majoring in Literature of course, my gay best friend Trent is majoring in Art, and our best friend Arryn, my roommate, is majoring in physical education, yes he wants to be a gym teacher. They’re both very handsome and physically fit. Arryn works out constantly, lifting weights and jogs every day, and Trent is big into yoga, jogs with Arryn every morning, and then swims laps with me each night before we all go out to the clubs. My ex-boyfriend Shane is still back in Virginia, he’s a senior this year. Arryn, Trent and I all graduated a year early; the three of us were in accelerated classes. Shane is a reluctant jock; his father was a quarterback all through high school and college, and has pushed all three of his sons into sports, especially football. He’s an arrogant, controlling, and prejudiced, son-of-a-bitch, if anything goes wrong in his family; he treats them all like shit. He isn’t physically abusive like Arryn’s father was to him, his twin brother and his mother, but he’s emotionally abusive, which is just as bad. One of Shane’s brothers is gay, and he is completely terrified to come out to his father. Their mother on the other hand is n angel, I can’t figure out what she sees in that man. Shane is gorgeous, he keeps his hair shaved close to his head, it’s black and he has amazing blue eyes that make any girl melt when he looks at them. I still can’t figure out what he saw in me the first time he asked me out and why he did. Like I said, we were going out for a year before I broke up with him to go to college. I know the way I just described him makes it sound like I’m still head over heals for him, who knows, maybe I am, but I haven’t seen him since the day I said good-bye. He was my first though, no, not my first boyfriend, actually that was Arryn, no, Shane was the first and last guy I had sex with, shortly before we broke up. That might be what provoked me, I just didn’t feel anything with him, and even our kisses began to feel dead. It’s really sad to say, but I was beginning to feel bored with him. So, here I am in Southern Florida, my third week of my second semester of my freshman year, holding a B average in all of my classes, despite going out every night to the clubs with Arryn and Trent. They’re both doing well also. Trent lives in an apartment next door, we were lucky to get these apartments actually, there just happened to be last minute drop outs this semester and we were able to move in. Our first semester we were living in the dorms, and that was not a pleasant experience at all, I was hardly there. I don’t really get along very well with other girls, I have always had more guy friends than girls, and actually, I don’t think I’ve had any female friends really.