Hot Flashes and Southern Sasses
Humorous Little Stories with a Southern Drawl
by
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If you like to hear the plain, honest to God truth...here's your book! Over 50 stories, written in the first person by a Southern author that is as country and honest as they come. Having a professed talent for eavesdropping, Kathleen Harper has concocted the majority of her stories from just that. "People and their habits are downright hysterical, if you sit back, listen, watch...and take a whole lotta notes." Men are funny creatures in particular; at least the ones that I have had the pleasure of being in the company of. Always helpful...especially at the very last breath of the moment...when you have worked yourself into exhaustion and the last toilet bowl is sparkling clean...they will sit from afar and watch you dance with the Dyson.. . then the famous words that make you want to pull out the pistols and the last hair on his head..."Can I help you?" he says so sweetly while he continues to flip channels..."Sure Hon!" you say while your teeth are clenched and you are snorting through your nostrils like a mad dog."Would love some help...how about just sit there some more and just let me look at you. Just makes me warm all over to know that I've done all this work under your supervision." And what you really want to do is to yank him out of his new Lazy Boy by his toenails, bury his remote control in about a foot of dog poo, and shoot a bullet through his new HD widescreen. Then crack yourself one of his beers or better yet, a big glass of wine, step over him, and go sit in his Lazy Boy. "I'm hormonal...so they can get over it!" :) Middleage women and the wonderful changes of aging...are another sore subject. So are aggravating and nosy as hell neighbors, men that don't love dogs and their hairless clothing, kids that raid your heart and your pocketbook, Stylists that are gossip and reality specialists but do hair on the side, your "almost dead teachers" that taught you real live life lessons ,the gym and those trainers with the tights that suck you in. being a "tad fat" is normal and those skinny waifs can kiss my #@#, the preacher has a lusty side and tells the congregation about it, fun with gal pals at the Goodwill store and "they run when they see us comin'", New York City and the Choo stores, and many, many more stories to make you laugh out loud and wet your pants, y'all! . If I ain't laughing....I'm cryiing, and that is not good for my makeup or my wrinkles. So laughter it is! So enjoy this book, take it wherever you want to, read it or bop your husband or kids over the head with it. I didn't make it this size for nothin'. Laugh a lot and always y'all! Kathleen
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About the Book
Kathleen Harper is a southern gal who can’t quit saying what she really thinks, calls things as she sees ‘em, considers herself a "professional eavesdropper", and has the ability to find the humor in everyday life. In her second compilation of entertaining essays, Harper shares her twisted opinions on men, menopause, neighbors, and children from a unique Southern outlook. "I'm full of sass and vinegar...so just let me get started!" Harper, the author of Why, Shut My Mouth!: Southern, Sassy and Proud of It, offers a laugh-out-loud look at life from a woman’s perspective that reminds us that life is as funny as we make it. Harper’s humor is relevant to any woman who has experienced hot flashes so sizzling that she feels like a neon sign blinking on the side of the highway; has wondered why a search for her bikini body suddenly feels like a never-ending scavenger hunt; has shrieked, “Gotta have 'em!” while trying on the sexiest shoes ever and when asked by her Hubs "Why did you call me a ___?", she remarks "Google it why don't ya, and pick one!" In Hot Flashes and Southern Sasses, Harper shares another sassy, opinionated, and truthful journey through the life of a middle-aged Southern gal that encourages women everywhere to laugh at themselves often and much, never take life too seriously, don't buy cheap wine or shoes, and have yourself a lifelong party! "And if you decide to ever grow up...leave me out of it!" Harper is a native of the South Carolina and makes her home on the coastal and marsh regions. She is married, has 2 grown children, two remarkable grandsons and two well-behaved dogs! Life ain't bad, y'all!
About the Author
Kathleen Harper was born and raised in South Carolina as a true “mill hill” brat. She currently lives in the coastal area of South Carolina in the Murrells Inlet area, where she enjoys biking along the beach and marsh year round. "Kathy" also enjoys the upstate too, with its abundance of natural beauty, just plain Southern folks and many stories waiting to be heard and written down. Hot Flashes and Southern Sasses is her second book. Her first publication in 2009, was "Why, Shut My Mouth!" Southern, Sassy and Proud of It! She lives with her retired husband, bless him, and has two grown children, two grandsons and two dogs. She enjoys writing of course, outdoor sports, art, music, wine tasting and trying not to be a "tad fat". Her writings are pure "truthful" humor from her own perspective of life and how she views it. "Life itself is pure entertainment, if you just sit back like I do and listen. People are just plain hysterical sometimes, when their behavior is unscripted and when they don't think anybody is looking!"