Diary of a Nappy Head

“Where is my brand new straightening comb?” asked Mamma Dee, slamming the kitchen cabinets like they were not raggedy enough. Mamma Dee is my mother. We call her Mamma Dee because when my sister and I were younger there were three mammas in our house. Mamma Aye, who was the meanest mamma anyone can ask for, Mamma Bea, who hid in the attic to eat thinking no one knew, and Mamma Dee, who was our mamma. They were very close friends for years. The only reason there was no Mamma Cee in the house was because whenever we would call Mamma Cee, one of them would turn to whoever was calling and say, “See what?” So, we skipped that letter. Too many mammas and children in one house. I’m so glad that is in my past. “Belinda, where did you put my brand new straightening comb?” yelled Mamma Dee, with her hands on her hips. “I left it at Sandy’s house when I was doing her hair last night. I’m going to get it now,” said Belinda, running out of the door to Sandy’s house before my mamma could say anything else to her. “That girl will never listen. She never lends out her stuff, but she is very free to lend out mine. That’s gonna stop today and I mean it,” said Mamma Dee, greasing her now almost diminishing hair. I just looked at her wondering why she used a straightening comb anyway. She had silky straight hair that was so thin, you saw more of her scalp than you saw hair. She had one long section that she would curl over so everyone would think her hair was long. She would try and place it in the right spot to cover the baldness, (after putting about ten bobby pins in it to keep it in place just in case the wind was blowing). I just don’t understand. Anyway, Belinda was taking too long for Mamma Dee, so she decided to make me go up stairs and tell Belinda to get her narrow butt back in the house with her brand new straightening comb. She also didn’t hesitate to also say; “Tell China to send me seven bobby pins and a hair net.” China was Sandy’s mother. They call her China because she was the only black person we knew that could cook Chinese food straight out of her kitchen. She sells Chinese food to almost everyone on the block. I think that’s why her house is always so crowded. They think she is gonna give them some free food. She even gives the couple that owns the Chinese store on the corner tips on different recipes. Chinese Soul is what she calls it. “Seven bobby pins Mamma Dee? How do I ask someone for seven bobby pins?” “Girl, just go get the pins and hurry up!” I went upstairs trying to think of a way to ask Ms. China for seven bobby pins. My momma ain’t got no shame in her game. Once she asked the landlord for fifteen dollars when she already owed him three months rent. When he said no, she had the nerve to tell him that he made her sick for being so damn cheap. Go figure. As I walked into Sandy’s house, because that’s all you had to do was walk right in, a spades game was going on. There were about ten people in the kitchen alone. Everyone was standing over the table watching the game like they were watching football on TV. “I got next!” I said, sitting down next to John-John, wanting to be his partner so bad, because he played really good. Everyone was slamming the cards down on the table so hard, I thought the table would break right in half. Right at the table playing was my sister Belinda. She was running “the family Bostalinda” on their butts. She made up that name. It’s really called a Boston, which means that your team takes all the books, leaving the other team with no books or points for that round. “Go ahead Belinda girl, run that Boston. Make them wish they’d have stayed home,” said Sandy, holding her baby Piara while feeding her a bottle. “Shut up Sandy!” said her cousin Raymond. “I’m glad you got up anyway.” He looked over at Sandy’s baby Piara and said, “Thanks for crying Cuz’, I was tired of playing with yo’ Mamma anyway.” “I’m getting back in the game after I feed my baby. Belinda is playing my hand until I finish,” said Sandy, moving her head from side to side. Raymond sat back saying, “Don’t do us no favors.” Belinda was slamming card after card down on the table like she was an expert. When she got to her last card, she licked it and slammed it on her forehead faced up. “PADDOW!” she said, winning with a three of diamond. One thing is for sure. Belinda knew how to count them cards. Everyone started screaming and giving her high fives. I felt good for my sister. All of a sudden without any warning, Belinda jumped up, picked up my mamma’s straightening comb, and dashed out of the door. Everyone watched the door wondering was she coming back. I sat in her seat getting ready for the next game, when Davonte, Sandy’s oldest brother, pushed me off the seat telling me to get up because he was next. “Stop pushing me! You could have the chair!” I said, getting up. “So get up nappy pappy, I gotta whip me some butt.” “Pushing me ain’t gonna make you win you jerk.” “Just move and let a pro play,” he said, cracking his knuckles. “Push me like that again, and I’m gonna push you right back,” I said, cutting my eyes at him like my eyes were knives. I just got up and went to ask Ms. China for some bobby pins and a net for my mamma. She gave me about ten pins and said she was all out of nets. I took three bobby pins out of the pack and threw them in the garbage. I then went in the house and gave the rest to Mamma Dee. “Girl, where is the net?” “She said she used her last net.” “Yeah right,” she said. “She is so cheap.” Go figure.