From Zero to Eighty

In this chapter we look at two characteristics that Charles and John use to sustain them during suffering. They are: 1) Self-protection and 2) Spirituality. We view these qualities as intertwined: Self protection preserves the dignity of the person just as spirituality preserves his link to his Creator, and both act as armor against racism. Charles and John believe that for African American men, guarding their true feelings yet acknowledging their Imago Dei must be joined to advance social change. That is, social change often results from a hard won grass roots struggle from marginalized peoples. Suffering and resistance to suffering is a thread within the spiritual writings of African American authors from the time of slavery to the present. In other words, partnering with God promises a direction, and immeasurably more strength than an individual might ask for (Ephesians 3:20). If the very worst effects of oppression (on African Americans) have been unable to wipe out intelligence, compassion, honor, faith, hope, and the courage to resist, then these qualities are preserved for all, including the children of the ruling culture (Butterfield, 1974) Self-Protection In this chapter we will look at how Charles and John guarded themselves against those who could or might harm them. For example, in the beginning of our research, John asked what his community will receive in return for participating in this research study: I found for my own protection if I approach situations that are culturally different, if I come at them not understanding what the quid pro quo is, I will be very hesitant to deal with it. At our first meeting, Charles and John chose seats opposite each other so that one of them could watch my facial expressions and body language while the other spoke. In other words, John’s suspicions are not part of the past; he remains on guard in the present. I’m always apprehensive. When I go into a situation where the environment is totally white, I’m always looking for a fight. And in a lot of instances they don’t disappoint me. Uh, something will happen that if I don’t go in with that defense mechanism in place. Something will transpire that I will say the wrong things. Charles remembered an invitation that John received from a local teaching hospital. Because he was a leader in the African American community, he was asked to speak to a group of physicians, both medical professors and students, on Martin Luther King Day. His role was to encourage African Americans to enter the medical field. John continued the story: John: I got up and I said, ‘This is nice you bringing me here, but you got maybe one or two Blacks in the audience; it’s mainly white. How do you expect more Blacks to want to come in? When you were escorting me around the building, I didn’t see any portraits of Black doctors. It would seem that if you wanted to encourage Blacks you’d put some pictures of Black doctors up on that wall.’ Charles: And he wasn’t shouting or anything. But I was watching the audience and some of the students were watching the head doctors, the professors. John: See, they were using me as a tool. They had no intention of getting Black people in. And that’s where racist behavior starts from, you don’t see any Blacks in charge. And that’s the problem with research, too. This is their question: How can we get more African Americans to participate in research? In other words, we want to get their information and our research done. The question should be, How can we use our information to benefit African American clients? (Pause, then with a laugh) When I left there (the hospital), something told me that I’d never be invited back. John feels that his talent, knowledge, or reputation as a leader in the community often has been exploited for the betterment of some group, like researchers, with nothing returned to his community. When he realized why he had been asked to speak at the hospital, he had no problem assessing the situation out loud. Charles then described how he learned to protect himself. I put up a shield. I had a long relationship with State Representative David Richardson. He introduced me to the game of politics. My shield was my mask. When I put it on, I could listen to anybody, no matter what their opinion was, and show a blank face. No opinion. Reporters are trained that way. By showing no opinion, most times you get the message, no matter how harsh it might be. It wasn’t only as a news reporter, radio host, or postman that Charles needed to put up his shield. Take for instance I was in Atlantic City one time eating at a buffet and I’m sitting down with this guy and I’m asking him some questions and he goes, “Listen to the way this guy talks. He’s got good English and everything.” And I said, ‘Do you know if you look you’ll find that there’s quite a few of us around.” (Pause) See, I got offended right away, but I didn’t say maybe what I should have. Charles recalled this incident, which occurred at least three decades ago, verbatim. What he did not say to this man continues to trouble him thirty years later. John mentioned a word that many African American men used in their definitions of suffering—frustration. He talked of men he knew, including himself, who protected themselves from this subtle but lethal form of suffering with “self-medication” or giving up hope. There’s always the danger of having a desire and nowhere to put it in place. The resentment I had for the Post Office led me to deal with alcohol in a destructive way. I was blessed by the Creator to come out of that. I still drink, but not drink after drink, day after day. He (God) took me out of that. And I know it was the Creator because when I started school I would be trying to read and my head would fall right down on that book. Couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t read. Which is a position of strength and blessing because a lot of individuals never come to that realization that alcohol and drugs just takes them right on out. John noted that self-destructive behaviors have a beginning in racism’s descendents—poverty and despair—which live on in the present. What appears as self-destruction may be the gradual imploding of dreams. There’s very little literature, even today, about the positive in African American men. My (Ed.D)) dissertation was on the positive aspects of African American men. And sometimes we’re criticized for talking about the positives because there’s so many negatives we should be paying attention to. My argument is if you always study the Black men on drugs who came through the criminal justice system and not talk about the group of men who lived successful lives, then the whole world sees nothing but the negative. I think that if we’re cognizant of societal suffering, which has been the most paramount suffering in my life—it has the tendency to make us stronger. But if we are not cognizant of what it is and what’s going on, then I think it’s more detrimental. To be in bondage and oppression and not understand it will make you behave just like the oppressor. And that is so sad. We take on the misogyny and homophobia then we become the same. In John’s complex view of the world, the events of the near and distant past that caused suffering for African Americans have the potential to cause worse suffering—the destruction of one’s spirit by imitating the oppressor, which is reminiscent of the Capo in Holocaust Literature or the Overseer in slave narratives. Thus, the themes that John presented throughout our interviews and meetings: Remember your roots and follow your mission, emerge from his desire to protect himself. His themes also translate into writing a legacy for the generations that follow.