A New Wrinkle

I was going along fine in my life. I had a profession, a family, friends and many interests. I was coping with personal pain from injuries to my neck, for many years. The pain was escalating and it was forcing me to change the way I practiced dentistry and also to seek out alternative methods of pain control because I did not want to take drugs. I had several epidural injections in the spine over a five year period only to get to a place where they did not work anymore and my pain was driving me to a place I was not sure I could tolerate anymore. And then one day, as I was operating in my clinic, my left arm went dead. Yes, you heard me, D…E…A…D; no feeling and no movement. I could not pick up the instrument I was reaching for to finish the operation. Scared? Yes. Confused? Only for a moment. I got up and excused myself and then ran back into my private office and slammed my arm and hand against the wall several times. I waited…. And then finally the feeling came back enough for me to go back and finish the operation. That was the last thing I did before I saw a neurosurgeon. He told me that if I had the occasion to have a car accident, a fall or a slap to my face, I might not be able to walk ever again. He told me that I really did not have a choice and needed an operation as soon as possible. Where do I sign?????! Needless to say, I had the surgery to fuse my cervical vertebrae, five through seven, and several cadaver bone grafts to boot. I thought I could go back to practicing but I was fooling myself. The damage was done and my movement was limited and my pain was lessened but still there. It took about three years to recover from that surgery and in that time I went through many changes, both mental and physical. I went through much loss; creating grieving and depression, sadness and despair. I lost my profession of over 30 years in the blink of an eye…so now what? Interesting to note, I looked into the mirror one day and stared at myself. I was no longer a dentist. Who was I, I thought? For all these years I related to myself as a dentist, and now that I was no longer going to be practicing dentistry I had to come to the realization that this was not me. Yes, I was a dentist, as far as my profession was concerned; but, looking at the face in the mirror caused me to have an epiphany. I realized that I was the same me…Eric Shapira, person. I realized, with the help of counseling, that I tended to relate myself to what I did and not to who I am. I think most of us tend to do this. This revelation helped me to recover my senses and eased the grief I was feeling at the time. I had counseling from a very kind and understanding person. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do with my life now and how would I accomplish it. I walked a lot to think and to heal. I talked with friends and I went back to school to learn more about gerontology; earning a Masters degree in Clinical Gerontology as well as a second Masters degree in Health Administration. It required several years of persistent work, diligence, commitment and personal tenacity. It took much soul-searching and making a plan, setting goals and having a vision. All the things I wrote about in this book came to life for me. This traumatic event in my life caused a great deal of family crisis for me. As it turned out, I had to have a second neck surgery about five years after the first one; failing bone grafts, creating more bone loss and a risk of breaking my neck lurked within my neck. Not fun! I don’t wish this on anyone. I had to learn to love myself again. I had to make peace with my body and to accept the disability and the lack of movement and continued pain. I learned to push myself to heal and to learn new things like painting and writing that brought me pleasure. We all have our stories and we all have our own vicissitudes in life that impede our abilities to do things or make progress. But don’t ever give up! I didn’t… I stayed with my desire to help others by moving from one care giver profession to another. I wish to spread love and understanding and teach others the power of the mind, the power of love and the power of positive thinking. At most, my goal is to encourage others to recapture their inner-child and learn how to nurture it. MY PLIGHT Somehow in life I missed the section of the training manual that told one that getting older was something that happens when you least expect it. A subtle experience for some and yet, for others aging is much more of a shock. One day I looked in the mirror and there I was…looking at a stranger: a balding, graying, crow’s foot, bags under my youthful eyes kind of guy. I had to laugh out loud because I kept visualizing my father! My laugh was but an oral flatulation of an internal scream. But all along I knew down-deep that I was looking at “myself.” What a revelation! Maybe some of you reading this script can relate in some way or maybe it just hit you and now you can laugh along out loud with me. I spent five years in graduate school studying to be a Clinical Gerontologist, after practicing Dentistry for over 30 years and suddenly I was my own client! Every time someone asked me why I went into Gerontology I answered, “Because I wanted to know what I had to look forward to…!” Well, so be it, here it was, staring me in the face with all its’ glory…me, an older me. I think I was a more patient me. Yes, maybe an even more accepting me. No one tells us what to expect as we age. No one tells us how life wears on ones’ ability to maintain beauty and fine looks, strong Abs or a sharp mind. In essence, “a new wrinkle...” means a new line of experience, a new smile about something one discovers in life, about oneself, that may have been clandestine all their lives. Possibly it was gleaned from other’s experience, and then, in the middle of something, anything, there it is: a “mind burp” that says “Ah ha!” For me it was “I’m gettin’ up there!” How do we define aging? How do we adapt to it? How can we make it our “friend?” Can we make it go away? Or how do we make “peace” with this time in our lives? These questions and more are daily mantras for many of us. Often people just go about their business, never bothering to think about getting older until something happens that jogs their ability to think about anything else: a death of a close family member or friend of similar age; an operation that takes longer than one expected to recover from; a gray hair or two discovered inconsequentially after a shower; sagging skin; a flaccid muscle or two; that “new wrinkle;” a magazine with a youthful model that makes one think about self and the way one used to be; and maybe, trouble remembering where the car keys are a little too often! Some of this is normal run-of-the mill aging, but some of this is abnormal in a sense. Much like the “Big C” (Cancer), the “Big A” (Aging) is a scary entity. Most of us are invincible, right? We can leap tall buildings in a single bound. We can still make love all night long, wrestle with our kids and win, or water ski without falling. But when the day comes that you get pinned wrestling with your kid, are not excited with the thoughts of having sex or even enervated to perform any sex act, fall off the ski’s one too many times, or need a step-ladder to leap those buildings, the “Big A” has arrived in all its’ glory. “Oh Romeo, Oh Romeo, where for Art Thou Romeo?” spoke young Juliet. “I’m down her in the bushes, the damned ladder broke!” said old Romeo. How do we embrace this transition with love and acceptance to make the change one of grace and dignity? More so, how do we go beyond that to make this the most exciting and rewarding time of our lives?