Turning Black and White into Gray
Mood Disorders: Turning Darkness and Uncertainty into Enlightenment
by
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KEITH CONRAD
5 years later: As I read this book again, I realize that this was possibly the darkest point in my life. I often felt completely hopeless, frightened and pretty much ready to literally give up. In starting treatment, both with therapy and medication, I began to become aware...awareness allows choices. I began to see choices. I began to realize I had the choice to run my life, not let my moods and life run me. THINK ABOUT IT! Are you running your life or is your life running you? Oh yes! You may say "That's easy for you to say, you are not in my situation". No I am not you, but I really think that I have felt the same pain and despair you have. Yes, you have a mood disorder! Yes, you also have choices. When I began looking at choices rather than despair or negative thinking, things began to come together. NOT OVERNIGHT, but I will say I am happier, healthier, both physically and mentally because I finally sat my sorry ass down and reviewed choices and acted upon them. Now I am not talking about positive thinking. You can think positively and the bill collectors will take your furniture...No! Look at choices. If something doesn't work you have the choice to try something else. I tried 7 different forms of medications before I found what works for me. I tried 4 different therapists and leraned choices from each one. You can truly find PEACE. When I began to be calm, my intellect was able to function, I was able to control my addictions, my finances began to get better, relationships, everything. You begin to become AWARE! Aware that maybe your so-called friends are toxic. Your job or business that makes you sick can be walked away from and you have the choice and ability to do something 10 times more profitable that you enjoy. All of this sounds very pep talk bullshit to you right now but don't get me wrong. It worked for me and it can work for you, if you allow awareness and choices to work for you.
CHOICES....
Medication: Learning how you are supposed to feel is important. I had windows of time that certain meds let me feel calm and aware for the first time. Even when things didn't work permently with that medication, I remembered the good feeling and had the choice to hold onto it.
Therapy: Different methods. EMDR and hypnosis worked for me. Hypnosis helped me learn to relax. EMDR helped me see both sides of the coin. Choices.
Work: I spent 33 years in a trade I hated. The choice was to work on something I enjoy and now the money is coming in.
Attitude: Stop negative thinking! It's a habit. When you get a negative mood or thought, take the choice not to let it run you. I don't mean going, "oh I am going to replace this with love or positive thinking." Be aware and make the choice to stop. Think about nothing.
Peace or Insanity: I like this quote by an unknown person: "Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work it means to be in the midst of those things and be calm in your heart."
Run your life: It's your life, it may suck right now but when I realized I was letting other people make me miserable I made changes, this doesn't mean living like a hermit and giving up on your friends, spouse, co-workers, etc., It's giving yourself permission to let them know they are hurting you. What they do with that is their problem
ARE YOU RUNNING YOUR LIFE OR IS YOUR LIFE RUNNING YOU?
PEOPLE ONLY LOVE A LOSER FOR A LITTLE WHILE...
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About the Book
Bipolar disorder, Tourette syndrome and associated mood disorders are some of the most misunderstood challenges encountered today. Many unanswered questions can leave patients feeling afraid and alone. Available information is often vague or technical.
Turning Black and White into Gray offers a firsthand account of the everyday lives of adults and children diagnosed with these puzzling disorders. What are these patients thinking? Why do they act the way they do? How can we help them? Through the personal stories of therapist Sarah Kennedy and her patient Keith Conrad, these questions and many others are honestly and clearly addressed.
Combining personal and clinical points of view, Kennedy and Conrad clarify and explain puzzling behavior. They do this by sharing personal experience and stories that are often painful, sometimes humorous, but always helpful.
Combining the personal with the clinical, Kennedy and Conrad share valuable information to help others understand bipolar disorder, Tourette syndrome and mood disorders and to cope with the associated symptoms.
Turning Black and White into Gray will comfort many who feel they are the “only ones” suffering with these debilitating conditions.
While being educated, they will be offered gentle guidance through the darkness of fear toward a new horizon of enlightenment and understanding.
About the Author
Sarah Kennedy, MFT, began her practice on the West Coast in the early 1990s and relocated to South Dakota in 2003, where she established a private practice.
Keith Conrad is a patient with personal experience with bipolar disorder; he is a former patient of Sarah Kennedy.