Before I Go Away
How I Experienced Life - Vol. I
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
Contents
PART ONE: The Early Years
Ultimate High
Summer Night
June 19, 9:17 PM
Wedding Song to Daddy
My Mind
I Love Being with You
PART TWO: Awakening
i got Sompna Say!
What Happened
Princess Passion
PART THREE: Struggling
Fright
Time Is Ticking
The Tracks
Drowning in her blood
My No-Terror Zone
PART FOUR: The Artist Released
Haters
HiDEF, Where livin!?
HiDEF! Whatcha do?
Cupe
Twomn
Leavin
Relatin Ships
PART FIVE. Gettin’ It Up Off Me
The Name a My poem is…
Just Me
There’s a Mess in My Family
The Argument
Acknowledgements
Author Biography
ULTIMATE HIGH
There's a room.
And there’re people
who are all really sweet.
They're not perfect,
just human... what a pleasurable treat.
They have good stuff and bad.
But they don't really care;
They're just out DOING life
and enjoying what there.
Jogging here, boating there,
Having parties at night.
Making love, making money,
do what they feel is right.
Go to work, to the gym,
or a nearby museum,
Art is life fully lived;
it’s a love flood within.
They exist for the joy
of humanity spent
Just to know that they owned it
...didn't merely pay rent.
Conversation and jazz
mix to be quite a pair.
Carpet floors, deep plush green,
forest colors, human beings.
With the jazz, then some pop,
neat new stuff. just can't stop
All engrossing human tales,
recreation, body smells;
Strong sensations pulsing through,
shafts of flesh from him to you.
Sheer existence. They're aware.
Meshed in joys of being there.
Raptured in their zest for life.
Disregarding petty strife.
BUT, just to the left a block.
Solid glass much like a rock.
Crude and clear, it forms a box
ridden with transparent locks.
But as art it's not a crock...
picturesque...a graphic lot.
The glass too massive,
OPPRESSIVE...dense.
Keeping out all real events.
But a bean is in this shield
not allowed to live or feel.
Its not a bean you smell or bite.
But a bean in human plight.
A
H U M A N
BEING
PAPERWEIGHT.
Awesome... Awe-ful. Horror fate!
Trapped inside this shield alone
Sculptured wood dry as a bone.
Her facial expression
says torture undone;
And her hands are halted
in grasps for the sun
A petrified human's
existence is here.
No screaming, no crying,
no noise only FEAR.
Her face is so twisted,
so contorted with pain;
We can sense but can't break
the unbearable strain.
Her head is craned backwards,
Her eyes are pressed shut;
They're squeezed ever tighter
as well as her gut.
And her mouth is so open
far beyond boundary.
Its stretched beyond limits
in a blood curdling plea.
If we could just reach her,
the scream we might HEAR.
Can't reach her. Can't touch her.
We can't get in there.
She's stranded, impoverished,
she can't even cry.
Just feels it, and yearns
to be on the outside.
We put mute to the volume
of the party around
To detect from this object
any audible sound.
Though we still can hear nothing
we feel certain the pressure
And the force that exists
will eventually crush her.
Oh but now we feel tears
spurt from tightly squeezed eyes,
Yet, we see no drops falling.
She is all petrified.
I can't bear to see this;
Can’t stomach this part.
My insides are aching;
pain crushes my heart.
I crumble beside you.
Unshielded. No lies.
Forever unable to look in your eyes.
I so want to face you
not afraid or alone,
But my mind is unyielding;
its commands droning on.
Even more so I wish
I could break down and cry,
Vent the feelings, the fear
which so crowd my insides.
But I still don't know how.
And it hurting so much
Its Hell in this glass.
I can't even be touched.
How I hope you won't leave me;
You sure help me a lot.
To release the Free Spirit
terrified to come out.
...But its HAS to come out.
I * WILL * NOT let it die!
Life is there to be live.
That's the Ultimate High.
WHAT HAPPENED
The rhythm was fine.
It tasted like wine.
Then suddenly there was a jolt.
The man in the place,
my dad was his face,
got stricken,
then killed by a cancer.
I gathered my wits
and marched outta that ditch.
It nearly covered me over.
We three weren’t just close,
the rhythm they spoke
demanded they knew
THE 'RIGHT' answers.
But now he was gone.
Time to stand on my own,
not continue that path with another.
I transitioned to make
my own learning mistakes,
Divine energy flames deep within me;
and continued with pleasure,
education that treasured
Spirit, Faith, Love, communication.
Then I parlayed tidbits
to the best of my wits
making work a FUNtastic vacation.
I ran hard; I ran fast.
Slipped and fell into math
after speaking tours
took me cross-country.
The budget was big,
it had started as trig,
but complexities
I never let beat me.
And I spun in a spin,
that I never could win.
Mind and body cracked!
...Debilitation.
But it don't keep me down.
That’s not why I’m around.
I exist to Enjoy and Inspire.
And I have many gifts:
People. Talent, and Bliss.
Spoken Word
is now my new attire.
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
Enjoy this rare 360-degree view as you journey inside the life of an extraordinary and sensitive human being.
“Read the book! Enjoyed it tremendously!!!!! It’s like I was standing at the window looking in.”
-April H., Silver Spring, MD
“It was exquisite & excellent!!!! ...so deep in feelings. I wanna buy a copy of ur book!!!!”
-Gunilla Landström, Skellfteå, Sweden
About the Author
Niq is a student of Life. Determined to succeed since the very beginning, Niq has become an accomplished poet, writer, and artist of words.
Niq’s earliest education came as Squirt in Daddy’s arms. When Niq was born, Mommie took sick and Daddy was Squirt’s main caregiver, taking care of Mommie, Squirt and Niq's two older sisters.
At four, after hearing a sermon at the church of one of Daddy’s fellow taxicab drivers, Niq proclaimed at Sunday dinner, the desire to ‘accept Christ.’ Niq was instructed to ‘go down front’ the following Sunday once they were back at their home church, Righteous Church of God in Washington, DC. This was the beginning of an arduos spiritual journey, but one made easier by the presence of music and song.
A lover of music at a young age, too early on many a morning, Niq plinked the family piano rocking the bench to reach the pedals. Begging to take lessons, Niq learned the alphabet and was accepted into Oxendine Music Academy in Hyattsville, MD. Here Niq trained as a classical pianist and competed at Peabody Conservatory’s then annual competition. In the last year of competition, at age 12, Niq achieved a green honorable mention ribbon, first place, in Niq’s opinion, for a black student in that time.
The longest attending minority student of Capitol Christian Academy in Upper Marlboro, MD, Niq attended first grade when certain grades had class in the Bethany Lutheran Church across from the Otho Williams car dealer in Suitland, MD. Niq graduated 11 years later, and at age 16 entered Messiah College in Grantham, PA. Changing majors from elementary education, a career anticipated early from teaching and preaching to many dolls in the basement of their DC home, Niq achieved a Bachelor of Arts degree in Speech Communication. It was ‘not triumphantly, but somehow,’ as a caring professor encouraged when Daddy died from a two-year bout with cancer the summer of Niq’s sophomore year.
By age 24, Niq had held more than 24 jobs, the result of beginning work early, working several jobs at once, and having an intense passion for learning as much as possible in the shortest time possible. While working at the Federal Emergency Management Agency headquarters in Washington, DC, Niq designed a system for tracking the President’s Disaster Assistance Relief Fund and wrote a pamphlet explaining the relief process to disaster victims.
Later at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, Niq quickly became resident expert in the Office of Economic Opportunity. Travelling the country training state and federal government employees on the rights and responsibilities of those receiving government funds for community improvements, Niq strategized with city officials, workers, and low-income housing residents to maximize results under government guidelines. Niq wrote revised federal regulations for Section 3, Economic Opportunities for Low Income Persons, and received critical acclaim for conducting numerous trainings including annual training conferences for HUD attorneys and the American Contractor’s Compliance Association.
Eager to use the left and right brain, Niq, then managed a budget of $150M in the Office of Administrative and Management Services at HUD. But as the excitement and thrill reached fever pitch, Niq was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and advised to medicate the condition to prevent ‘accidental suicide’ during anticipated depressive mood swings. It would be almost six years before Niq effectively reversed this decision.
Although suffering from panic since childhood, Niq works daily to enjoy life and assists those who commit to do the same. “Perspective is everything,” says Niq. ” I’m in control of very little. But if I work at it, I can choose to enjoy each moment of my life. Enjoying life is a choice only I can make.”
At time of publication, Niq is no longer on bipolar medication and has had no episodes for more than four months. Asked for the secret, Niq says, “Faith without works is dead."