Miles of Thoughts
Including Excellent Groaners and Professor Fawcett’s Notorious Lecture on Test-Irrelevant Thoughts
by
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Some words do not have plurals—but ought to.
I realized this at the check-in counter at the Atlantic City Airport. The agent at the counter asked how many pieces of luggage we had. I looked to my left—there was one piece of luggage. I looked to my right—there was a second piece of luggage. I looked in front of me—there was a small carry-on that could fit under the seat. I looked behind me—there was a second carry-on that could fit in the overhead compartment. I decided the words deserved plurals.
“I have two luggages and two baggages.”
The agent looked at me. Formerly, she practiced customer service with a fac-smile. She ceased practicing customer service. Her expression altered to a frown and she asked in an annoyed tone of voice, “What country are you from?”
“I’m from New Jersey,” I said with a glare.
“I understand, sir.” She bent and lifted the luggages and baggages onto the conveyor. Her expression portrayed what she was thinking: “He’s from New Jersey. That explains it.”
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About the Book
In the whimsical tradition he is known for, humorist Dennis Ford once again embarks on an amusing exploration into the captivating worlds of science, literature, history, and popular culture—all without ever leaving the comfy air-conditioned interior of his Saturn Ion.
In the style of his previous work, Thinking About Everything, Ford shares a medley of new musings on the worries of the world and the unique friendliness of San Antonio as he plays peek-a-boo with a spider, attempts to climb a rainbow, and captures a leprechaun. Ever the helpful humorist, Ford continues on a journey of thoughtful adventures through the mundane and esoteric as he explains how the postal service can mail itself into a profitable future, why fantastical lies can make elections more interesting, and a way through which one can acquire a window seat on the ferry to the Great Beyond. Included are “Excellent Groaners,” a compilation of puns, and “Professor Fawcett’s Notorious Lecture on Test-Irrelevant Thoughts,” a learned presentation on the psychological perils of test anxiety told partly in acronyms.
Miles of Thoughts offers an amusing glimpse into one man’s upside-down world as he commutes through the beautiful scenery of the New Jersey Pine Barrens and contemplates life.
About the Author
Dennis Ford is the author of five books, including Thinking About Everything, a medley of whimsical musings, and the novels Red Star and Landsman. He lives on the New Jersey Shore, but he is definitely not Jersey Fresh.