The Unique Grief of Suicide
Questions and Hope
by
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Some questions raised by a suicide may not be totally answerable. The mysteries of life and death, especially death by suicide, are not easily categorized into a convenient question-and-answer formula. …. And when faced with the mysteries of life and death, it is better to wonder at the mystery and accept that some things in life and death are simply not explainable. …
This book acknowledges this mystery even as it asks questions and seeks answers to suicide and suicide grief. There is no contradiction between admitting the mystery and seeking some answers. It is important to know where the mystery begins and ends, and what is knowable. That’s why a guide through suicide grief is so helpful. The experience is so complex that sorting through the complexities is a value in itself. Sorting through them is what this book tries to do, while accepting that some mystery will remain.
The ultimate goal of suicide grief work is assimilation. To assimilate a suicide into life is to absorb the pain and to incorporate the death into other aspects of life. The loss remains, but it is surrounded by other experiences, both memories of the past and the ongoing integration of new happenings in life. The suicide grief no longer dominates the rest of life. But the path to this goal of assimilation must go through the forest of thorny, frustrating, and painful questions raised by a suicide.
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Praise for The Unique Grief of Suicide: Questions and Hope
“A gem of a book. Tom Smith is one of those unique human beings who, through a labor of love and generosity, is able to turn a personal tragedy into an opportunity to reach out and help many others. His work combines scientific data and personal feelings admirably.”
—Luis A. Giuffra, MD, PhD; professor of clinical psychiatry, Washington University School of Medicine
“Very painful questions arise following the death by suicide of a loved one. Tom Smith’s moving book identifies and organizes these questions—a very helpful thing in itself. But more, the book provides answers and also acknowledges that some questions do not have easy answers, reflecting accurately and sympathetically the experiences of those bereaved by suicide.”
—Thomas Joiner, PhD, author of Why People Die by Suicide and the Robert O. Lawton Distinguished Professor of Psychology, Florida State University
With warmth and understanding, Tom Smith draws on his own grief following the suicide of his twenty-six-year-old daughter, Karla, and provides helpful resources and coping strategies to those grieving a suicide. Both practical and comforting, The Unique Grief of Suicide guides and educates those dealing with the different facets of suicide and offers a safe harbor within the storm of grief.
About the Author
Tom Smith spends his retirement volunteering as president of the Karla Smith Foundation, named after his daughter who had bipolar disorder and died by suicide. KSF supports families affected by mental illness and suicide. He is the author of six books, including The Tattered Tapestry and A Balanced Life.