I Left Myself Behind
A Selection of Poems and Prose Dedicated to Abused Women
by
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Introduction
There truly is no words that express depth of feelings, just as there is some pain that can’t be smoothed so we redefine it as mountains we climb, challenges we face and hurdles we jump in the life we live. I Left Myself Behind is dedicated to abused women around the world with the need to understand the extent we all go to satisfy the need for affection, attention, appreciation or just acknowledgment positive or negative by the opposite sex...so “Daughters of the World” understand these feelings that many times are misconstued as you filling a need of the abuser or you being needed by or deserve to be abused by the abuser, but don’t get tricked by his “Ego Tripping”... thus justifying “The Last Laugh or This Comical Tradegy”.
It’s about forgetting our “Roots-Step Outta the Trap” we step into if we don’t “Let there be Meaning to Living”... many of the abused try to defend the abuser and condenm self thus further enforcing decreased self-worth, decreased self-esteem and assisting the abuser in his lifestyle... true there are some that fall into a one night stand better known as “Delicious Buddies Make Me Smile” mentality and like many rape victims are accused of facilitating the situation to the point of believing same is justified leading to “Melancholy” which is the “Beginning of the End”... love and pain are not the same and not the name of the game.. love and affection are just that love and affection never to be compared with hurt and pain, use and abuse.
“The Beauty of no Pain” the oneness of a great relationship defines the “Where am I where are You” for you can’t say I Raped the Moon “And Moon Remains” the same... thus “If I Love You” becomes the question... it’s not the control it’s the release of control to trust each other, to protect each other, to respect each other, thus giving each other the power over each other that comes with love, cause “There’s No Power Without” it’s about those “Three Little Words”...I love you... said to you and from you to make each other feel like an “Extension of his Perfection“ because that is truly “How We Survive” in life and relationships as we “Keep our eyes on the Future”...”Letting no Hurdle be Disarming”... we want to “Do What We Feel” and not say.
“I Left Myself Behind” for “Life is just Soup”, you need to “Know Oneself”, to forgive oneself, to celebrate oneself, to “Get Grounded” and to begin the “Re-creation of Life”... it’s not what they call you ...it’s what you answer to...it’s not what happens to you...it’s how you react to it...it’s the pain that you claim...it’s the defame... it’s the self preservation that’s not the same... it’s the get up and go that defines slow...it’s not doing what you know ...it’s not learning the lesson that keeps you from growth... your mantra should be “Smelling My Own Coffee”...it’s trusting in man and not taking God’s hand that’s sealing your fate... however trusting The Most High and walking out in faith is what will keep you safe...
words to my wife
1---LOVE NO POWER WITHOUT
describe love by the softness of it's curves not the angles of its square corners,
not the pain not the sorry...for love is not there or here or anywhere that has
rough edges it soothes, smoothes...it's not to protest you, molest, abuse, lose,
booze, snooze or groove you...drain, de-brain,de-fame nor claim, frame or push
its insane on you... for love is clarity...no blindness, nor darkness...but light,
beauty, truth, comfort, gladness...giving shelter from the rain/pain and the
insane of society. it is the brightness at the end of the tunnel...it is the
fearlessness of the escape, it is the quench of the thirst, the cool of the breeze,
the heat to the fire, the smell of the magnolia, the twinkle of the star, the cure
of the dis-ease, the flight of the hummingbird,the ripple of the water, the taste
of the dessert or the evolution of life...no hell just happiness, it is the coming of
the next moment/second in time, it is the opening of the flower's petals...
it is the purring of the cat, it is the whistling of the wind in the tree
branches...the flickering sunlight through the leaves, the release of the breath
on the exhale, the calm that defies the storm...the i am of the i am...
the power within since there is no power without
that is the love our marriage is about...
words to my husband
2---WHAT DO I SEE
what do i see when i see you... beauty from the floor up, fabulous from the head
down, soft warm moist breezes floating across the calm clear blue water, dew
drops dripping down bladesof tall grass reflecting sunlight like diamond facets
shimmering, sparkling, glistering, dancing, romancing...
while gently you caress the air as you move through the space between
us...commanding justified attention as you shower your essence on the world
like spring rain bouncing and pacing on a dirt road, splashing more dust then
water ...you focusing on both where you came from and where you are going
with a mind actively a buzz like bees on a honey comb...i see the scent of a man
and the salt of your perspiratiion and think of the dill in pickles, the tartness of
cransberries with the aroma of musk over taking both of us...
what do i see when i see you...the tulip opens and soak in the sun drinking its
warmth and light...a snowflake melting changing, evolving to whence it
came...soft drip of water in a warm open pink palm rapidly evaporating...the
sting of a bee and the delayed itch of a mosquito bite...summer moving toward
the beauty of fall, the hot and cold of it all...
what do i see when i see you... with closed eyes the rainbows, the pot of gold, the
eyes of the soul, green grass as we bask in the sun making wishes on the moon
with climaxes too soon...the loud drumming of the clock with its tick-tock
spaced decades apart, time running in endless space...wild flowers tamely,
uniformly growing in the garden of life, splashes of brillant colors together
side by side respecting, loving, complimenting each other united in distinctly
unique beauty as the perfume of life...candles burning, flames flickering,
ringlets of smoke escaping to heaven, kids playing in the park, loud smiles, quiet
laughter, people going nowhere everywhere...warming ice to get cold water...
what do I see when I...
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About the Book
Offering vibrant imagery and eloquent language, I Left Myself Behind presents a collection of poetry and prose that speaks to the tragedy and triumph of abused women around the world.
I Let Myself Behind is divided into three sections: Reflections, Life, and Thoughts of Healing. With each poem, author Carol Samuels transforms the complicated mixture of human emotions into verse. Her poetry features a stirring momentum and striking use of both end rhyme and internal rhyme, creating a harmonious blend sure to evoke a myriad of feelings.
In “Beginning of the End,” Samuels shows how love and pain are often not the same, while “Ego Tripping” warns a woman to be on guard against the ugly words of egotistical men disguised as cajolery. “Know Oneself” gently reminds us of the crucial importance of forgiving ourselves, learning our lesson, and moving forward.
For some the road to affection, appreciation, lust, and love can be complicated and filled with inexpressible pain. In response, each day we climb mountains, jump hurdles, meet the challenges and forget our differences in order to survive—a struggle that I Left Myself Behind seeks to express.
About the Author
Carol Samuels lives in New York. She is a registered nurse, life coach, nutritional counselor, and motivator; she has also been in business with her husband for thirty-five years. Samuels is a consultant for NatakiCares and First Family Mission and Research Center. She is also the author of Smelling My Own Coffee.