Winterview

The Ant And The Tree After shaking hands with Dr. Marion Wilson, she asks me to sit in a chair in front of her desk. She actually doesn’t tell me, but just sweeps her hand indicating that she wants me to sit in the chair. It is more like a magic wand without the wand because without her saying anything, I take a seat and I look at her. It is important for me to have eye contact. I realize she needs to see that I am sincere. That I am not afraid to look someone in the eye. That I would be a good, strong custodial parent if I do not look away because I will be able to face things. Dr. Wilson asks me many questions. Why do I want custody? Why don’t I feel that my ex wife deserves custody? Why would I be a better parent? Do I plan to marry? Do I date? How often do I date? Do my daughters ever meet the women I date? What do I think their reactions are? Who ended my marriage? Why was the marriage ended? What do I think about visitation? What is a fair amount of visitation? She asks me what the children do outside of school. About their summers, friends they have. Report cards. She wants to know about my job. My friends. The questions go on until they sound the same. And then, after quite some time, she says she only has a few more questions. That she wants to see how I think. That this can be very important in her assessment. And she will be writing up her report and will be presenting it to the court for the judge. That she will do this after she meets with my ex wife. But before that, she wants to know how an ant and a tree are alike. I stare at her, blindsided by the question. A question about an ant and a tree. This was not part of any preparation I did. Why didn’t my lawyer warn me that something like this could come up? My mind races. I see an ant at the bottom of a tree, but one is up and one is down. One is big and one is small. I could say that they are not alike. This would be the easier thing to do, but it would not only show me as being non compliant, it would show me as having concrete thinking. That I take the easy way out, certainly not a good trait for a man raising daughters. I could also say that they are both on the ground. This would show I see similarities, that I am compliant in answering a question. This answer might be better than the first, but would show me to be relatively mundane, and what kind of parent would that prove me to be. If I say one is big and one is small, it would show I deal only with the obvious and cannot answer the question asked which could lead to an analysis of me as a devious person, which would not set up well in court in my march toward custody. If I say they both are brown, that answer might only border on the truth, for there are red ants and white trees, and by saying they are both brown would be the lazy way out, and the judge ultimately does not want to pick a parent who will take on less than the total responsibilities of parenting. In fact, saying they are both brown might promulgate a letter from the court that says—Dear Mr. Levine, I appreciate your fine application to raise your daughters. You have some interesting qualifications, and I am sure you would make a fine custodial parent some day. However, we have seen other candidates, and we have come to the conclusion that you are not quite what we are looking for. We wish you all the best with your life as a visiting parent. “They are both living,” I finally blurt out. “They live. The ant and the tree live.” Dr. Wilson smiles. My answer shows hope. It shows I have the ability to see outside the box. To go beyond. To be creative. To think. To have optimism. It clearly shows that I will be the one who is more nurturing, more sane, more stable, the one with the ability to help with homework, to be supportive in their adolescence, to buy prom dresses. But she doesn’t say anything. She only makes some notes. And then one final step in Dr. Wilkin’s quest to determine the better parent. She asks me to identify five recent presidents. I should have known it would come down to this. I should have anticipated a question about presidents. Isn’t that what custody is all about? The memory of presidents. It all comes down to people like Truman, and Eisenhower and even Kennedy. I quickly get them out. But I am numb. Two more. And then somehow I am there. Johnson comes to mind. And now it’s down to one. One president and a recent one. And I can’t show any hesitation. That I walk around with five former presidents always in the forefront of my mind while racing home to care for my children and speaking to them about their day and going to open school night, and dealing with their fears about their mother and soothing them when they cry. Only one more now, and all I have to do is say the name.