Use All the Crayons!

Equal parts David Sedaris and homespun counterpoint to “Shit My Dad Says,” the book sparkles with a "Now, why didn't I think of that!" kind of wisdom that resonates with book buyers of every demographic, in any economy, during any season. Why? Because the greatest deficit in America doesn’t involve the staggering national debt. It involves fun. People aren’t having nearly enough of it. This nimble little book combines elements of four keystone book successes and comes up with a winning mixture that is both cerebral and subversive, sassy yet solemn.

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The people who love Randy Pausch’s “The Last Lecture” will love “Use All The Crayons!” because it adheres to the same principles as the Pausch’s book that is also a clarion call to embrace all the daily joys our brief lives have to offer. Such as:

12. Ask a 6 year old what God looks like. Then ask if God rides a bike.

72. Spend a warm spring afternoon planting tree sprigs scattered along vacant land you pass everyday on your way to work. Enjoy monitoring their growth during traffic jams.

387. Never make the mistake of sipping life. Sip wine. Gulp life.

The people who love “Shit My Dad Says” will love “Use All The Crayons!” because it appeals to the same adolescent in each of us who likes a good subversive gag. Such as:

34. Ask security guards manning the airport metal detectors what would happen if a noble knight wearing a suit of armor tried to pass through. Better yet, wear a suit of armor for your next flight.

207. Someday, just for the fun of it, stand on a busy street corner and bark into the cell phone: "No! No! No! The incision should be made behind the left ear! The left ear!"

225. Always include the honorary salutation "Rev." before your name whenever you're filling out subscriptions or registration cards. You'll be amazed at the fawning service you get.

The people who love H. Jackson Brown’s “Life Little Instruction Books” and “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books will love “Use All The Crayons!” because it shares the instinctual DNA to enhance everyday aspects of everyday lives. Such as:

5. Plan a dream vacation with brochures and an itinerary of places to stay and things to do. Put them in a large envelope in a secure place. Mark the envelope: "Things to do the day after I win the lottery."

39. Wake up everyday with the realization that all it takes to succeed in America beyond your wildest dreams is one really good idea. Then spend the rest of the day trying to find one.

458. Remember: We are all born free and spend the rest of our lives constructing prisons around ourselves. Be sure to, in addition to all that maximum security, allow yourself a little built-in liberty.

The people who love “Uncle John’s Bathroom Readers” will love “Use All The Crayons!” because it shares the puckish sorts of trivia that brain barnacle onto a reader’s noggin for fun conversation starters. Such as:

125. Did you know a regulation No. 2 pencil like the kind you used in school contains enough pencil lead to write a straight unbroken line for 35 miles? Colorful people do.

152. Say “Cheese Whiz!” Experts say speaking the words leaves the facial muscles in a relaxed and confident position making people more eager to do your bidding.

235. Ask any local weather expert what they called the jet stream before the advent of jets. Guaranteed, it'll be a stumper of a question. When he or she gives up, tell them the answer: They called it . . . wind.