CHAPTER THREE
PURPOSE, PROVIDENCE & POTENTIAL
It is very easy to tell someone how things will look when they achieve success, or how it will feel to accept Christ or if you do this, then that will happen. Laying down crumbs of one’s own spiritual journey for another to follow is a big waste of time. What holds true for one will not hold true for another. We often assume that similarity implies correctness. Just because we share the same experience or have similar experiences does not mean the road I have taken to get to a place of realization or positivity will be the same for you. We each affect the world differently. The imprint we leave on each encounter is different than anyone else. Because of this reason I tend to stay away from the self-help literature. I think it is obvious that we can only help the self. Even as we endeavor to reach out and assist others, what we are actually doing is reinforcing and assisting our own self-image of who we are and who we want to be.
What we do, whether we realize it or not has more to do with who we are and who we want or are trying to be then about the other people in need. Do we tend to see people in distress and want to genuinely offer assistance without anything in return? Sure we do, but it’s more about how we feel and think about ourselves then the deed we just did. We may get enjoyment or satisfaction out of it, but that derives from our need to fill the emptiness that we feel, and to create an image of a complete or whole person; one who is caring, considerate and whatever other qualities you deem as good or necessary. I would say that Christ would be the only one who walked this earth of record to be exempt of this. His actions led to one outcome, a painful death. This is not a desirable outcome that anyone would accept. Of course our belief is that Christ is God and therefore cannot and did not die. This is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. Christ not only was a good teacher and performed miraculous wonders, but he died and rose himself from the grave. Christ overcame death and is alive today, both in the literal and physical sense and the spiritual sense.
We may do things that are self-destructive, but at the time that we did them, they were to satisfy some need or to prove some point. Therefore in our minds we were justified even though we may come to regret it later or face consequences of that action. So how do we move beyond this? As I have said before, it is through a lack of understanding the connectivity that once existed between the physical and the spiritual, the natural and the supernatural that gets us focused on the self and not the spirit. The spiritual is what connects us all together. The spiritual man is connected to divinity, who is connected to us and to everyone else. Our experiences are more potent when we recognize and accept this spiritual component to our being. We are spiritual creatures and must nourish both the spiritual and the physical. For Christians it is more than just going to church and praying and doing good works. For the non-Christian it is more than just discipline and meditation, being a good person and attempting to be “good”. Whether a Christian or not, I do believe in the concept that nothing we do can be counted as “good”, because all good things come from God. If we do not involve God intentionally in our thoughts and actions then all that we do are self-perpetuating acts.
If I were to come across a homeless man in the street who asks for help, subconsciously how I respond is all about me maintaining the self-image that I have created for myself. This is an attempt to fill the emptiness that I want to ignore and not let anyone else see; if I even acknowledge it at all (we have become adept at denial). If I have change and I give it to the homeless man, then I get a little gratification from that act. “I” did something good and that goodness is therefore subconsciously “poured” into that emptiness inside of me, seeking to fill it up with something substantive. Of course the reality is that the emptiness is so vast that nothing I could ever do could ever come close to filling that void. The act simply reinforces the idea that I have created that I am a good person and it is that goodness that should be seen by everyone else. I desire that people see that goodness rather than the depravity that exists within me.
It is not always this straight forward of course. When we have spiritual connectivity, we receive a filling of substance from the divine that allows our actions to flow from an over-abundance of that which we can freely share with others. It is less about ourselves because we are not seeking identification or self-gratification or a reinforcement of self-imposed ideals. What we get from the divine is more than satisfying and as a result, our actions and thought becomes about, “look what God has done”, not “look what I have done”, or even, “look what God has done through me.”
When we are living in connectivity there is no need to take credit for, to add in that we were involved in the action because it was not about us, we were a mere extension of the divine will. Of course there are those of us who convince ourselves that they are living lives that are in connectivity and that they do look at things in terms of God doing them and not taking any credit at all even if it is on a subconscious level. If you are that person, then congrats, you have achieved something that many have not, including myself, and I have walked a long road, and have danced a dance with God, and I am not there yet. My faith is real and genuine and my commitment sound. I just recognize that there are things that still need tuning if I am to get the right kind mindset to fully connect and experience fullness, to reach a potential that I know we all have just waiting to explode. I have found this to be so because when alone, no longer doing anything, where my actions were limited to myself and there was nothing to “claim” credit for; at these times is when I felt the lowest, most vulnerable and inexplicably saddened by the state of things. It is in these times that I would doubt, take pause and question the validity of my identity. It took a long time for me to accept that it was not about my doing, my interactions or my tasks and affiliations that mattered; it was about the fellowship and the connectivity.
My faith was real, and all that I was trying to become was still there, but there was something I was missing, something I could not see. I realized that as I had overcome a great deal of obstacles, there was still more hurdles I needed to surpass. Through much prayer and consideration the revelation came (after much patience) that caused me to leave my life as leader in my church (and not seek another, although I had wanted to very badly, but realized that it was tied into my Christian identity and that was why I was not as connected as I once thought) for many years and take on the role of a mere disciple once more. This was not something that sat easily with me. I was tempted very often to get back into preaching and teaching, but I was called to listen and to seek a different avenue to reach the prize I sought after. There were still quite a few gaps in relationship to my physical or intellectual self and my spiritual self. These were things that were on my mind that seemed in conflict with or were at odds with my faith.
So began my journey of exploration, searching for answers to questions I didn’t really know I had. I began with thinking about Purpose, Providence and Potential. Although I am a Christian and I see the world through the lens of my belief, I also held very tightly to the reality of philosophical pursuits and marveled at the scientific understanding of how creation functions.