A Homeless Panic

This book seeks to open the eyes of the fortunate to the plight of the less fortunate. It is very personal, but also presents a broader look at what it means to be homeless in the United States. More than just one man’s painful experience with homelessness, it provides a gripping picture of individuals living on the street and of their daily struggle to survive, doing the best they can in a desperate situation. The result is an unvarnished look at the culture of homelessness.

The gap is broad between mainstream society and the indigent. Too often programs designed to assist homeless people serve only to alienate them. With millions of adults, teens and children on the streets, it's time we get an idea of what people encounter when they hit the streets.

The author provides a powerful look at what it means today to be living on the street.

The true story that you are about to experience, takes you inside the mind of one man as he painfully encounters a world unlike any he’s ever been in before. A world with an immense amount of misery and discontent.

The impact was so great that it changed his life forever.

So open your hearts and minds to a realization that can empower you to a greater appreciation of the good things in your own life.

***

My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, and I wasn’t focusing on the road.

Oh my God, what’s happening to me?

I had no idea what I was going to do. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience of the worst kind. I’d never felt that way before. I knew I’d better pull over before I ran off the road. I needed a cup of coffee badly, but I was running very low on cash. There was a coffee shop up ahead, so I drove into the parking lot and parked in the most remote part.

I couldn’t get out of the car. I’d never had an anxiety attack, but knew I was having one. My legs were shaking underneath the steering wheel. I reached across the console, grabbed my cell phone, and sat there looking at my list of contacts, then looking up at the rear-view mirror. I was actually trembling. I couldn’t believe it.

Oh God, oh God! What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?!

I had to get out of the car. People were going to start looking and wondering what I was sitting there for. When you pull into a parking lot, you’re expected to get out of the car and take care of your business, whatever that is—not just sit there.

But I couldn’t. I just sat there, my head filling with horrible thoughts, scaring myself. As I walked across the parking lot, a barrage of ill feelings attacked me, reminding me of my very vulnerable situation. Yeah, it was entirely my own fault. I had made no attempt previously to develop a safety net to cushion the blow in the event that I would ever be without a place to live.

***

Consider yourself very fortunate if you can go an entire lifetime and never have to experience the feeling of being homeless. The feeling, which I wish I would have been spared, was horrible. When everything you used to enjoy, including the comfort of having your own privacy, is suddenly taken away, you are left with only two options: to live on the streets, or to seek refuge in a homeless shelter.

It’s like people just give up. They simply don’t care anymore. They lose their fight.

***

Any dwelling is better than no dwelling. Shelter is our security. Without it, I had a cold, empty feeling that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Everything looks dismal from the street.

If someone would have come up to me, even just one month before I became homeless and asked me if I would ever find myself out on the streets with no place to live, my answer would have been an emphatic no.

One thing that was becoming more and more clear to me was that all homeless people don’t think alike. They differ greatly in their sense of urgency in getting themselves free from homelessness. And for any person, group or organization that tries to take on the homeless problem, understanding this distinction can enable them to better understand the homeless population and develop more effective ways to combat this serious problem.

Homelessness could consume you, swallow you whole, whether you wanted to believe it or not.

***

There were four guests and I just sitting around the kitchen table, drinking our coffee. They looked very tired and out of it. It was dead silent in the room. All of a sudden, a strange, poignant vibe engulfed the room. The others seemed to all at once drop their heads to their hands. And, after about five seconds, they simultaneously raised their heads and let out a heavy sigh.

I knew they all were having a real low moment. But the funny thing was that none of them realized they had done it at the same time. It was a really depressing scene to witness.

That’s why homelessness needs to be put in the spotlight and given more attention. Too often good people just fall by the wayside and are never heard from again. We can’t allow this to keep happening to our citizens.

***

Another person waiting at the bus stop overheard me mumbling that I wished that the bus would hurry up and come. He responded, “I have to get home too. My dinner’s waiting.”

Then the old bag lady said, “Home, huh? I wish I had a home to go to.”

I didn’t say anything. I just stood there silent, waiting for the bus. The old bag lady kept talking about how hard it is to be homeless. I wanted to say something to her--anything--to make her feel better, maybe give her some hope. But I just stood there saying nothing until the bus finally pulled up.

As I stepped onto the bus, she seemed to direct her frustration at me and let out what I can only describe as a desperate cry, as if she were having a mental breakdown. Just as the door closed behind me, she cried out with a gravelly, horrible-sounding voice, “Being homeless is a nightmare!”

The sound of her voice and how she said it resonated through my head as I was looking for a place to sit on the bus. It was as if she purposely wanted me to hear her in her time of despair.

Sometimes I can be very impressionable. I was obviously sensitized by the whole encounter. All I could think about on the bus ride back to the homeless shelter at Ally’s was that old lady crying out for help. Why she chose that time and place to do so I’ll never know.

That poor woman had lost her will to fight a long time before that day. And the only thing left for her was to go on suffering terribly in her own private homeless purgatory.

If anybody needs an example of what happens the longer someone remains homeless, there are plenty of people like her to keep reminding us what’s at stake.

***

In a country like ours, if you’re willing to get your life back on track, America is still a place where it can happen.