What It Was All About

Margie went on fervently, “But men like Richard give me hope for the future. Ask yourself about most men we encounter: Can they hug? Can they cry? Can they be gentle, tender, and affectionate? Can they admit to being vulnerable, at times?” She shook her head vehemently, and added, “But for those men who are struggling to try and change themselves—and a lot of the men I know at the Co-Op are also struggling with these same kinds of issues—I think they should be our partners in the Women’s Movement! Because, to me, our goal isn’t just to liberate women—but it’s also to liberate men, children, and everyone!” (Ch. 8) Odessa said grimly … “Can we have it all? For most of us, the answer is basically ‘no’: Superwoman doesn’t exist, in reality. The fact is that there are only twenty-four hours in a day, and every hour spent doing one activity is an hour not spent on another activity. You can have an exciting career like Gloria Steinem, if you remain single and childless; or you can have a challenging career and children like Betty Friedan, but be divorced, and never remarried; or, you can be like a lot of the rest of us, and settle for a ‘job’ rather than a ‘career,’ and try to balance your family responsibilities the best that you can!” (Ch. 12) Bess sighed, and said, “I have to admit that self-esteem is kind of an issue with me, as well. It seems that no matter how hard you work at your job, with your kids, and in your marriage, people are always going to criticize you: either my bosses are mad at me when I can’t work late, because I have to pick up my daughters from day care before it closes; or my daughters are crying because we still can’t afford to put a pool in our backyard; or my husband is griping that we don’t have sex often enough!” She shook her head, and added wearily, “Sometimes I feel like telling them all, ‘Look, if you want Superwoman, you should have hired and/or married her; but you don’t have her, you’ve got me—and I’m doing the best I can!’” (Ch. 16) Margie said passionately, “Yet despite all those supposed ‘gains,’ women in this country still constitute two-thirds of the ‘poor’; the salary gap between full-time working women and men is nearly the same as it was twenty years ago, while the average female college graduate earns less than a man with only a high school diploma; there’s still a very solid ‘glass ceiling’ that’s keeping women from advancing in many traditionally male professions; nearly all working mothers still have to face what UC Berkeley sociology professor Arlie Hochschild called the ‘second shift’—of being the one having to take care of both house and kids, after they get home from work; one third of battered women seeking shelters can’t find any… and in most states, husbands can still legally rape their wives!” Linda snorted contemptuously, and said bitterly, “After the election, the mainstream press was calling this ‘The Year of the Woman, just because a few more women got elected to office… But absolutely nothing has happened that fundamentally changes the power structure running this country!” (Ch. 16) Odessa continued, “The ‘Feminine Mystique’ didn’t resonate with Black women because we weren’t entering the job market after having devoted ourselves to housework and kids, once we graduated from Ivy League schools—we were, and always had been, in the job market! Working class women didn’t have a choice, as upper class white women like Friedan and Steinem had. We knew that we needed to fight economic oppression, and not just male oppression!... Black Feminists tended to form their own groups; but one of the main reasons for this, is that we didn’t want to separate ourselves as starkly from our Black brothers, as we saw white Feminists doing to white men. And Latinas tend to have a much stronger orientation to the family than Second Wavers did; so the emphasis of Second Wavers on abortion, Lesbian rights, and separatism from men tended to not appeal to them.” She … added passionately, “But the fact that Black women, Chicanas, and Asian women didn’t join NOW in large numbers doesn’t mean that they weren’t activists, and weren’t vigorously fighting for their rights—they just fought in a different way from the ‘mainstream’ Feminist groups, like NOW.” (Ch. 18) Margie said reflectively, “…Sometimes, I feel like we’ve all been engaged in conducting a gigantic experiment, with all the changes we’ve made to the traditional family structure… What if the children we give birth to grow up, but were psychologically harmed by the ‘loose’ kinds of sexual relationships we’ve had? … And if they are, then what of the generation after them? Will we have completely lost the image of a traditional ‘nuclear family’? Of children being jointly raised by both parents, with their siblings?” … Odessa went on, “As long as children grow up in an environment where they are loved, and supported, I think that’s the main thing.” She thought for a moment, then added, “The thing I worry about most, however, is the increase in the number of kids who are being raised in fatherless families!” She shook her head sadly, and observed, “With about a third of kids being raised in homes where their father doesn’t live—whether it’s because of divorce, separation, or abandonment—I wonder what’s going to happen to that generation. Will they grow up thinking that it’s ‘normal’ not to have a father who’s actively involved in their lives?” (Epilogue) Katy asked rhetorically, with deep frustration in her voice, “All of this makes me wonder, what was it all about? What was the whole point of the Feminist and Women’s Movement, anyway? Is there anything at all that we accomplished?” This impassioned question produced a moment of profound silence, from the group. Diana said defensively, “We’ve had lots of victories, and we’ve accomplished a huge amount! The ‘pay gap’ between men and women has decreased from 59 cents to 79 cents, for full-time workers. The Violence Against Women Act was passed in 1994, and provides funds for the investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, as well as financial redress for victims. There are now shelters for women and children who are victims of domestic abuse. Abortion remains legal, even if backward states like South Dakota and Alabama are still trying to make it illegal. Free access to contraception has increased—including for young people. Most workplaces now have policies against sexual harassment, and it’s less difficult for a woman to turn in a rapist. Flexible work schedules to accommodate children are more common, and access to child-care is better—although it’s still woefully inadequate for lower-income women. Title IX now allows young girls to participate more fully in sports, and professional sports leagues like the WNBA give athletic young women the hope of a career in sports. And, although they’re often under assault, Women’s Studies programs still remain in the curriculum at most colleges and universities. And finally, I have high hopes that by this time next year, we will have elected our first woman President!” [Epilogue] Margie observed, “To me, I think our biggest failure is that not only haven’t we significantly reduced the number of women with low self-esteem problems, but the so-called ‘Beauty Myth’ has actually gotten astronomically worse, since the 1970s!” She added passionately, “It’s no longer just about wearing or not wearing makeup, shaving or not shaving your legs, or even whether or not ‘Fat is a Feminist Issue’: nowadays, in addition to tummy tucks, body lifts, liposuction, breast implants, nose jobs, and facelifts, we’ve now got all kinds of vaginal ‘rejuvenation’ surgeries; gastric bypass surgery; removal of fat and excess skin around the eyelids; epicanthic fold surgery for Central Asian women; laser hair removal; nipple enlargement; belly button reshaping; butt implants; and of course, Botox!” [Epilogue]