Mortal Mapping and Melancholy

He went quiet for a second then suddenly appeared at my side. His hunched body leaned up beside me and he looked up into my eyes, squinting as if I was hard to see. “You didn’t love yourself enough to find out the answers,” he said seriously. “You didn’t care enough about yourself to put it right, I reckon.” I studied the bits of grass and small rocks scattered on the ground around the campfire. It was too much to understand but I was beginning to see his meaning. “If you have love for yourself,” he continued. “You are strong enough to not care about stuff, right? And if it bothers you, then you got to put it right, you protect you like you would anyone else. Would you let those girls be pushing around your friends like that?” “No,” I blurted out defensively. He nodded, his expression mellowing. “Then why don’t you treat yourself that good? Why do you let them be pushing you around? You don’t need fights girly, you just need to say something to make them think, something that will make you feel better that you put them in their place, right?” I nodded but didn’t reply. “When you have love for yourself,” he re-clarified. “Then what any other people be doing or saying don’t affect you, right? Because you know you’re good and what they think is for the birds, see?” His words empowered and saddened me. All this time I had treated myself second best. I had never treated me like a friend. I had to find a way to like me as much as I liked others, then I could start to work on everything else. “But what about my friend, Avery?” I asked the man with all of the answers. He shrugged and laughed hoarsely again. “Sometimes the answers come when you ask the questions so just ask him, right?” “Right,” I agreed. I noticed that the corners of his thin lips were turning up at the corners and I think he was pleased that he got through to me. “Right then.” He nodded then started to walk away, past the fire and towards a row of tall trees. “Wait!” I called out to him, confused. “We can share the fire, I’ll keep to my side of the log,” I joked. He waved to me without turning to look at me. “Got places to be, filly,” he called out as he literally vanished from the spot. I was stunned at everything that just took place. Had that been Roy? He always called me filly. It made all that was said all that more significant. Regardless, the advice had been sound. I was the only one who could make the changes and I didn’t want to wait too long to start.